The Writer's Notebook

I have a writing class this semester.  Since I am in the Education program, it is focused on how to teach writing.  One of our required books was Ralph Fletcher's, A writer's Notebook.

It's a book geared towards kids to give them ideas on how to keep a notebook full of their thoughts and ideas and observations that will give them topics to write about.  It was engaging and fun and inspiring.  One of our assignments is to keep our own writer's notebook because how can we teach what we do not know??? It has been fun for me.  

We even had a FHE on it which inspired Samantha and Rachel to go get their own notebooks and they have been writing in their notebooks.  They both have struggled with keeping current with their journal writing.  It IS journal writing with a twist and it's fun to see them fired up about recording their thoughts.  The boys have not been inspired but hey... you do what you can and leave it at that.  

There was a gorgeous poem in the book written by a 4th grader that I loved and it inspired me to start furiously scribbling about each of my children.  I wanted to make an "I am the one who" poem about each of them.  I will post them as I complete them although I have a feeling there will always be more I want to add to each of them as it is hard to capture all things about a person you love so much.

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by Chase Whitmire

I am the person who

Frantically plays with leaves, 

Dances with the sun,

Smiles at the moon,

Follows the stars,

Puts my arm around the wind's shoulder,

Tells secrets with the water.

And I think I'm special

to have such adoring things to do.

The imagery first made me think of Rachel, my nature girl-

 but it was Jakes' that I finished first, then Rachel.  I'm still working on the others......

Mr. Flex

Mr. Flex.

My brother started that nickname about 5 years ago.  If I remember all this right, Carly was around 14 and was visiting my parents and my brother's family for an away from home adventure.  She had gone down to the creek behind my parent's home with Uncle Matthew when Brian, age 15, ventured upon them.  He stood there talking for quite some time with his arms folded, his hands strategically balled and placed behind his biceps to push them out to make himself more manly, more studly-       to impress Carly.

A Carly very unaware of her curves, her femininity, her anything that would make a boy stand there talking to a guy in his ward he usually never talked to, trying to flex his muscles for an unnatural period of time...

After Mr. Flex had exhausted his avenues for conversation with Matthew, he sauntered off.  Matthew turned to Carly and asked if she'd noticed him flexing because it was all for her!   She was mortified and sure he was mistaken.  She hadn't noticed a thing  and was only wishing he'd leave so she could have her uncle's attention back...

Over the years my dad and my brother and just about everyone else in the family have enjoyed teasing Carly about Mr. Flex.  Uncle Matthew would mention... "Mr. Flex was in my Sunday School class today.  He was wondering if my niece would be visiting anytime soon.."  My dad would cut out articles from the paper and send them to Carly as Mr. Flex became quite the football star leading his team to a very victorious season.

Carly was planning to go to SUU and lots of teasing began when we found out Mr. Flex got a full ride football scholarship... "Maybe you'll bump into each other on campus and you can ask him to flex for you" heh heh heh...   She was used to it by this time and would roll her eyes and shake her head and laugh it off.

Mr. Flex decided to defer his scholarship to serve a mission.  He started doing his paperwork and went to the doctor to find out why he couldn't shake this bad cold he'd had for a few weeks.  That bad cold turned out to be cancer.  Instead of serving a mission, he has been fighting cancer for the last 2 years- fighting hard.  He and his mom have been in so many hospitals, trying so many different treatments.

When I heard Tuesday morning that he had died, I was surprised by the overwhelming grief I felt for this boy whom I have never met.  I cried and my heart ached and I just feel so sad and empty.  I think I kept half expecting a miracle turnaround.  He was a prime candidate: faithful family, preparing to serve a mission, his ward praying for him, strangers (like me) praying for him.  In every story I've ever heard about him, he is strong and vibrant and full of life.  It just feels so wrong and pointless.  5 years ago he was standing on the creek bank, flexing, flirting, unaware.  Tonight he is lying in a morgue....  3 years ago:  On top of the world- leading his team to victory every game.  Tonight- gone.

The last 2 years while my child started college, struggled through her new beginning, fell in love, got married and decided to become a mother,  somebody else's child fought for his life with chemotherapy and blood transfusions and pain and nausea and misery and faded away.

My faith tells me that his spirit is somewhere beautiful and maybe this cancer fight was more important a test than a life full of choices, maybe it refined him and made of him a stripling warrior in the most important ways.  However my heart hasn't caught up with my faith yet and all I can do is cry for the boy who's gone and the mother who is not.

A woman I have never met lost her baby this week, her youngest of seven I think.  My heart hurts for her and so I held mine a little tighter tonight than usual when I said good night.  He looked confused as he kissed my cheek and wiped away the tears that were falling.  He didn't ask why.. He just smiled sweetly at me and wiped the tears and said "i love you too" as if he just understood it was my love for him dripping down my cheeks.

I'm glad I didn't yell at him the other day when he broke the 4 brand new glass votive holders as he dropped the bag on the way out of the store.  Votive holders just don't matter very much.  I want to remember that.

There are so many sad stories we hear on the news and from friends.  If we truly felt them all- we'd be a mess, nonfunctioning puddles of sadness all the time.  But sometimes, a story connects, just hits our heart just so and we feel it all.  I think that's why I can't let go of my sadness.  He's the same age as Carly, in the same stage of life- Beginning adulthood, stepping off into his own adventure and he was cut down before he could begin and my heart cries out "what if this was your child??  It could be your child..."

Maybe my sadness is really fear.

Chore Time Meets Reality TV: The Big Cheese takes over

We have had a job chart for a long time.  The kids names are in the middle of the chore chart and there is velcro on each side of their name.  There are 5  4 room jobs (sweep/mop, family room, front room, bathrooms) and 5  4 dish jobs (wash dishes, put away dishes, set table, clear table) that rotate weekly from child to child.  When Carly was home we also had walls, etc (that person washed walls, helped with laundry, did any extra job I needed done that week) and kitchen helper (helped me cook dinner) that rotated.    It worked pretty well but there were problems; the kids didn't often do their jobs on their own.  I always seemed to have to get everyone going and check up and there were many, many times that I was saying "hey, you didn't wash the table off or you didn't' sweep under the table" etc.  It worked better and they were more self motivated about them when we were consistent about our chore charts where they checked off their "to do" lists of responsibilities and earned an allowance.  I have not been as consistent with making that work in the last few months.

Lately, it has been a huge problem with me feeling frustrated about the lack of self motivation on the kid's part and having to micromanage chore time every night.  I recognize that probably means that I wasn't consistent enough and/or didn't have strong enough consequences to rectify that problem but I was so overwhelmed with school I didn't' have the energy to figure out a solution.

Saturdays were the worst.  The room chores were supposed to be something the kids kind of checked up on during the week and kept looking reasonable but on Saturday morning, they were supposed to do a deep clean of the room.

Mason was the worst... Sometimes it would take him until 3 or 4 pm to finish cleaning his bedroom and do his room job.

Sometimes the kids would get into silly fights over who could use the broom and mop first and scream at each other because "you're walking on my wet floor!!!!"   and "Well, I HAVE To because I NEED to get MY job done!!!!"   It was a very I centered approach to chore time and it had good points and it had bad points.

I have been asking Mark for more help around the house lately.  He has been very supportive about me going to school in many ways but I wasn't feeling it in the "helping around the house" way.  He came through in a BIG WAY with a new system for chore time that I thought was CRAZY at first but now believe to be Inspired, Amazing, Beautiful, Wonderful and BRILLIANT!!!

I think one of the reasons Mark hasn't helped as much around the house is because I tend to want him to do things my way and not allow him to do things his way....

When he started this I wanted to object but I, thankfully, kept my mouth shut and let him try it out.

It all started last Sunday.  It was stake conference so he came home from church when we did and wasn't gone all afternoon for meetings.  The house was pretty messy because it had been stake conference the night before and Friday night had been the ward Christmas party and I had been at a study group for several hours on saturday afternoon and he had worked on saturday so things had been less supervised....  We dont' usually do a full-on clean the house on Sunday as it's  the Sabbath and we try to honor that and keep it as God has asked us to but that day was just bad.

The kids wanted to come home and make a lunch after church and he said, "whoa... this house is a wreck! We are going to clean it up first before anyone eats and Mom is not going to do it... Go sit down mom."  He told them he was going to choose a team leader and that person would be in charge of getting all the work done.  The team leader could work as much or as little as they wanted and delegate as much as they wanted.  The other kids would be their team and he would only be dealing with the team leader.  He asked each kid if they wanted to be the leader.  Samantha and Rachel said No and Mason and Jacob said Yes.  Mark then said, "To be a good leader, you have to be a good follower so I will put Samantha in charge." That surprised them.

He took the team leader, Samantha, to the kitchen, family room, front room and told her what he wanted done.  He asked the team leader how much time she thought it would take and then said, "Okay, set the timer, get your team and get it done".

When any kid complained to Mark or I, Mark directed them back to the team leader.  They had to work it out.  When the timer beeped, Mark checked back in and asked if they needed a time extension.  They did.  He told the team leader to choose the time wisely because it was the only extension they were going to get and when the time was up she would be responsible for any work left undone.  The timer was set again and they finished it up.

After the timer beeped. Mark checked the rooms.  There were a few things left and Samantha had to do them all by herself.  After she was done, he gathered all the kids in the family room for an "Evaluation".  Samantha, as team leader, was asked to rate her team members on a scale of 1-10 and give an explanation.  Then Mark asked her if any of her team members needed a consequence for not helping the team and he allowed her to set the consequence as she had had to take his consequence of cleaning up everything that was not finished.  Mason had been belligerent and unhelpful and so she had told him to just go to his room and she had to complete his part of the job.  Mark warned her the consequence had to fit the crime and we agreed that he would not get our Sunday night dessert, ice cream and not get to open the present with his name on it from the 12 days of christmas his Auntie had sent our family.  He had so been looking forward to his day so that was a big blow.  

The kids said "this is just like 'The Next Great Baker' " which is a reality cooking show that they have been watching lately.  On the show, sometimes they have to work as teams with one member acting as team leader.  The team leader is generally judged a bit more harshly on the outcome if it is bad, because they were in charge.

The team members then were able to rate the team leader on what kind of leader they were and we discussed strengths and weaknesses and how we can be better leaders.

We have done this every night this week after dinner with dish jobs and a general clean up of the downstairs.

Saturday came and Mark and I talked about whether or not we wanted to do this for Saturday room jobs and I was very enthusiastic about trying it.   I would be in charge since he was working and I hadn't  led it  before.  It has been Mark's baby.  He's so good at the evaluation part and not giving in to micromanaging like I do.  I did pretty good and we pulled it off.  I did make a few mistakes about getting involved when I should have referred the issue to the team leader but I am learning to!!  The kids opinion was that they like it for weeknights but would rather not do it on Saturday chore time.

However, Mark and I are seeing some amazing things happening because of it and will keep it up.   Here are the benefits we see:

1. Mason and Samantha, who sometimes have issues because they are the youngest and often feel powerless, get a chance to be in charge and boss everyone around.  They are good leaders though and do a good job at being fair.  I have been impressed.

2. The work is done faster on the weeknights.  The kids felt like it took longer on Saturday and it did for some of them but took less time as a whole for me.

3. They are learning how to be good leaders and good followers which is an important life skill.

4. They are learning how to communicate better about how to get the job done.  I heard Mason stop his team last night and say to them "How do you think it's going?  What can we do better?"  Rachel gave some constructive criticism and he took it without getting upset and adjusted how he was leading.  THAT IS HUGE!!!  NO fighting.  It was beautiful.

This does not mean they have never fought.  Sometimes one of them just has a bad attitude and makes it difficult but they are working through it and I see them working it out even when they have a difficult team member.

5. I dont' have to micromanage.  I don't have to round kids up and say "the job is not finished".  I don't have to just do it because it's easier then getting them to do it.

6. Mark is getting some big BIG husband points and Dad points on this one.  He has made my life easier in a HUGE way.

Bennion Creek: Craft time a.k.a. Rocket Man

We all slept pretty well except for poor Rachel who froze and kept waking up all night long.  

I felt bad because the rest of us slept great.  

Saturday the ward fed us breakfast and then there was an activity for all-

Making Rockets!

Each family was supplied with an empty 2 liter bottle.  There was cardboard, duct tape and crayons available to create your wings and make it unique.

The kids all got involved with coloring...

or cutting...

or taping...

Jacob, Carly and Rachel have all made rockets at the junior high so they took over wing design.

It was fun and I was proud of them for all working together

without fighting... (much)

The finished product

was then hooked up to a launcher that Mark had spent hours making.

He scoured the internet for how to videos and then took me shopping to Home Depot for supplies

and then put it together.

I don't know how his poor old knees took it but he was in charge of launching all the families rockets and stayed out there shooting them off so everyone got at least one chance to see their rocket fly.

Ours wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst.  

It was all very exciting to see it fly up in the air!

The rest of the day was spent at the pond, cleaning up and goofing around.

It was a good way to end the summer.

Bennion Creek: Setting up camp a.k.a. Getting our Thor on

So the end of August found us at Bennion creek for the ward campout.  Mark wanted to make it a little more special since it was Carly's last weekend home.  He took Friday off of work and we went up early in the day to spend the day as a family before our ward family arrived.  

Then there's that added bonus of getting to pick the best camp spot.  The kids deliberated for a while, running here and there but it was finally decided upon and time to set up camp.  Last year we were pretty cramped in our tent so this year Jacob brought his new camping tent so we had a parents and girls tent and the boys tent.  By the end of the campout you could smell which was which.

Mark organized the troops into helping him set up the tent.

holding poles, pounding stakes

If you know us at all... 

you know it doesn't take long before someone gets an idea and the posing and silliness starts

First, it was holding the poles.  

at first a boring job unless you're Rachel...

and you become strong and powerful, holding the tent up in a raging windstorm

or planting your flag on the moon...

And then Carly found the hammer.....

and it was on....

Mark thought it only good for pounding tent stakes-

oh dad- How much you miss....

Everyone had to try to best Carly's Thor impression

while creative...

she missed the mark

Mason went for more of a shirtless dwarf pose...

"Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go"

Jacob almost got it 

But I think, in the end, Carly started it and Carly finished it! 

We also had a little trouble with the water spigot that only Carly could master...

Her strength 

we miss around here.

(among other things)

Riding a Tube-a on the Yuba day 2

Mark got to come on Saturday but Carly had to work so no Carly, No Rachel.

Mark's boss was so good about explaining to the kids what to do to have a successful turn on the kneeboard.  I really appreciated his kindness.

Mason really liked holding the flag.

Sam really liked the kneeboard.

Jacob really didn't like his life vest... It chafed under his arms being not quite the right size but it's the law buddy! Safety first.

Mason really liked the kneeboard.

Jacob is the only one who tried the wakeboard.  It is to waterskiing  what  snowboarding is to snow skiing.  Jacob tried for some time to get it but it's hard. 

hit it!

His one, and only one, successful moment up on the wakeboard.  I, fabulous mother that I am, managed to capture it on film.

TaDa!

and he's down!

The Big Cheese & a couple little cheese puffs chillin' on the tube!

WOOHOO!!!

It got pretty crazy jumping the wake.  At one point the air got low in the tube and it got a little unstable and mason, Samantha, Jake and I got tossed pretty hard.  We were pretty bruised up and a few tears were even shed... not giving up any names :) but it was all worth it and we all got back out there eventually.

and there were some lovely moments just sitting in the front of the boat, the sun in my face, feeling the breeze as we zipped along with my feet up.

ahhhhh....

It was a lovely 2nd day.  Hope we get to do it again next summer!