Faith in God: Learning & Living the Gospel #5

WHat do you think about prayer?

First I feel kind of reverent when I start out praying and afterwards I feel peace and stuff.

How do you think prayer protects us?

Because prayer can give you blessings and stuff and Heavenly Father can- like if you're riding a bike on a trail on a mountain and it's really thin and you don't want to fall off so you pray so you will be safe and you won't fall and he can help you by not falling off.

any other examples?

When you can't find something you pray that you will find it and then maybe you will find it like one time me, my sister and my brother were in big trouble and if we didnt' find batteries to a darth vader helmet we would have been in big trouble for a long long time til we find it.  So we prayed and we found it.

How does prayer help you stay close to your Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ?

Cuz you're talking to him, you might be asking him questions so you'll be close because you're talking to him.

Mason 6/17/2012

Lessons learned.

1. Don't engage in peanut butter toast making when wearing your suit jacket

2. Don't throw trash in the chapel..... it may hit your neighbor in the face and cause you to spend a few minutes in forgiveness note writing.

oops.

Another one for the grandmas and grandpas

To Be or Not To Be.

Turning 12 is a big deal when you're a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It signifies the end of childhood. You're now with the big kids in Sunday school and youth organizations. If you're a boy, and worthy, you have the opportunity to be ordained a Deacon in the Aaronic priesthood and take on the responsibilities that come with that position.

When Jacob first turned 12 back in August I started to tease him a little when he was acting obnoxious or annoying by saying "Come on Jake... Don't be a deacon!"

My point was this...

If you've worked with the youth in any way, you KNOW that at combined activities, which include all the teens/tweens from 12-18, it's ALWAYS the deacons that are out of control. They're bouncing off the walls or into them. They're loud and silly. They're making things harder- They're being 12-13 year old boys.

It is what it has always been. I'm sure when the pioneers crossed the plains there were times when the saints were all trying to get camp settled at the end of a hard day and over to the West they'd hear some whooping and hollering and see a cloud of dust that was blowing into all the ladies' wet laundry and Brother Brigham would roll his eyes and say "Don't worry Sisters... Those are no indians descending upon us, just a tribe of Deacons!"

However....

As I've watched my son mature and grow in his responsibilities as a Deacon over the last 5 months, a few things have changed my mind and put a stop to my teasing.

1. Deacons are Reverent.

I've watched him pass the sacrament. He stands so reverent and careful as he takes care of his responsibility. I'm so proud of him, I can't help but keep my eyes and smiles on him and every once in a while he'll catch my eye and I'll get a small smile back but then I look away because I know he's been instructed to not draw attention to himself. I'm happy that he has a desire to do his duty. His whole quorum is amazing as they work together; quietly moving through the congregation each Sabbath, serving. I'm also impressed that whenever there is a problem, someone gets confused as where to go next, or the passing pattern gets off track, it is so discreetly handled. They could fall apart with embarrassment or be silly but they don't. Some eye contact, maybe a small hand wave or head nod of direction, and it's handled.

2. Deacons watch out for each other.

A little while ago, one of Jacob's good friends turned 12 and it was his first week to sit over with the Deacon's quorum and pass the sacrament. I was so excited to see him over there because I love this kid and I knew he was anxious to join the rest of the boys in his class. I watched his older brother, who was also a Deacon, notice he wasn't quite paying attention and nudge him softly in the back when it was time for the opening prayer. He quickly folded his arms and properly bowed his head. Then, when it was time to stand for their Sacrament passing responsibilities, the Deacon's quorum president quietly nudged him so he'd stand with the rest of them and wouldn't get embarrassed by standing too late. I loved watching them take care of their newest quorum member.

3. Deacons provide service.

Last week when the snow was falling on Sunday morning and coating driveways for the first time this winter, the phone rang. It was Jacob's Young Mens leader telling him the Deacon's quorum president was in a meeting and, as counselor, the responsibility was falling to him to assign the other boys in the quorum to go out and shovel snow from walks and driveways for the widows in the ward. He wrote down all the names of the women they needed to take care of on a white board and then asked me where they lived. I directed him to the ward list so he could write down exact addresses before calling other boys. He did that efficiently and without complaint and began calling and assigning the other boys. He tried to match boys with addresses closest to their homes and called them up. When he ran out of Deacon's to call and there were still 2 yards left to shovel, he said "I'll do them both"

I sent him out the door and he was off to shovel. No complaining. Wow. Maybe I can get his young Men's leader to call and assign him to wash my dishes.... or clean the bathroom.....

The bottom line is, that as a mother, when I see all that being a Deacon IS...

I have realized my little joke was disrespectful to the priesthood which he holds and to the good that Deacons accomplish in our ward, in our stake and all over the world.

So really all that is needed is a little change in punctuation when he's being obnoxious....

I can say "Don't! Be a Deacon."

Think he'll get it???? Maybe not. I may just have to drop the line altogether.

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the organization of His church that gives my kid this incredible opportunity to refine his rambunctious 12 year old ways and although they will still come out at church activities, at home and at school- There is so much he is learning and there are glimpses of the man he can become.

Agency: An object lesson

Today about 4ish I was thinking that I'd better figure out what to do for FHE while I was fixing dinner.....

Just about that time Samantha Grace came up and asked if she could prepare the FHE lesson. I was thinking that was a pretty good idea. We had been looking at her Faith in God booklet on Sunday and she knew she needed a couple more goals to complete.

She decided she wanted to choose "Agency" as her subject and I directed her to the place on the bookshelf where we keep our different FHE manuals, lesson packets & flannel board stories. She chose the original church distributed FHE book and looked in the table of contents for something about Agency.

She found her lesson on page 31 "we can choose". She got everything ready and was very proud of the fact that I hadn't done a thing to help her this time. Usually we plan it together with me trying to get her to lead out but offering ideas and help. This time it was all her and it made her so happy.

She tends to get a little take charge when she has the lesson and Mark has to remind her that he is still conducting and hasn't turned the time over to her yet.... She also tends to expound ALOT when she has the floor. A LOT.

When Mark turned the time over to her after song and prayer she proclaimed that she had done the lesson all by herself. Sensitive Dad said "I'm sure it will be great as long as there's no long-drawn-out stories!"

She raised her eyebrows, looked him right in the face with a little smile and promptly replied in a sweet but serious voice "oh, there's gonna be a long drawn out story!"

To which you couldn't help but laugh with surprise at her gumption and Mark's face.

We talked about choices. We made lists of choices. We talked about how we can't always choose the consequences of our choices. We read some scriptures.

Moses 4:1-4 (reminded me of Madeline L'engle's 'A wrinkle in time' That book makes me think about what Satan's world would have been like)

D&C 50: 24, D&C 93:28 and my favorite of the evening 2 Nephi 28:30

" For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."

I had a nice little learning moment pondering what I am losing for letting things slide more than they should lately...... If I'm not actively seeking than I'm losing. I need to get back on track with my personal study. When my mom and sister were here, they were discussing some New Testament stuff that I had no clue about... I seriously need to get on the ball.

And there was a story about a man in a Nazi prison camp. Surprisingly... it was neither long nor drawn out. She did a great job.

For her object lesson she had made 2 kinds of no bake cookies: chocolate and peanut butter. We got to have 2 cookies but we could only choose one kind and had to stick with it. Thus displaying the power of both choice and consequence. Mason didn't think the cookie object lesson was good enough so he came up with one of his own......

I will explain.....

After the closing prayer Mark suggested that we have a family activity of going to the library to pick out a movie to watch. We thought that was a good idea.

On the way there, the 3 youngest were very silly in the backseat. We counseled them to "settle down!!!!!" to no avail. On the way into the library I specifically had to talk to Mason twice about his behavior. "We're in a public place. We don't yell. We don't run. We need to settle down" Once we made it to the movie section in the basement the silliness returned full force. There was no thought of settling down and acting appropriate. I heard screaming and turned to see Mason on the floor with his hand clasped to his face. I went over to shush him because let's face it... sometimes he really overdoes it to get attention. It's a baby of the family thing. I pulled his hand away and saw it covered in blood. I still didn't get too excited, assumed it was a bloody nose and then saw a gash next to his eye. I started to get a little excited at that point. It looked deep and wide and painful. I dug around in my purse for a handkerchief I keep in there for just such occasions and clamped it down on the bleeding and got him off the floor.

My first thought was to get him cleaned up so I could get a better idea of what I was seeing. We walked, wailing loudly, into the bathroom. When the blood was washed from his hands and face I showed Mark. He was certain we should head to the Instacare for stitches. He sent Carly to the checkout desk while I led a screaming Mason out of the library.

Hey... we went to the libarary for a movie. Bloody gashes do not deter us.

We drove to the Instacare and checked in. It was a quiet night so we got right in. He was shaking a little and worried about how much it was going to hurt. They put some numbing gel on it, got our story, took his weight and pulse and sent us to wait in a little room. We talked a little bit about how his "agency" got him there....

We also talked a little about how blessed we were that he didn't cut his actual eye, it was so close. We took a moment to say a prayer of thanks that his eye hadn't been harmed and then Mark told him the story of the 3 little pigs while we waited per his request. The Dr. came in and numbed him up further with some injections around the cut. He didn't seem to feel it much. He laid down on the little bed and was very calm through the entire procedure.

He ended up with about 8 stitches, 2-3 inside because it was such a deep gash and then about 6 on the outside. I think he's going to have a black eye tomorrow.

This is our first experience with stitches and hopefully our last!

Ouch.

*************************************************************************************

Morning after update:

Looking more puffy and black and blue. He actually looks worse in person than in the pictures.

He said "I sneezed and it really hurt"

I bet it did.

Cookie plans and Heavenly Father's plan for me ....by Mason

I had no excuse this week of not knowing about the talk til Saturday night....

I've known about it since last Sunday when he promptly gave me "I have been chosen to give a talk next week" paper right after primary.

I put it in the book I was reading to remind me to work on it every day. I didn't know the theme for the month so I thought every day.... "I need to call someone in the primary presidency to get the theme" The secretary's phone number was right on the paper.

I really had no excuse to wait til Friday or saturday to call her. ....but that's what I did.

Saturday afternoon, Mason and I sat down and discussed his talk. The theme was "Heavenly Father has a plan for me" He was not very helpful. He kept shrugging his shoulders and saying "I don't know... I don't know" So I got on the internet and found the primary program outline on LDS.Org.

I am so glad I have had experience serving in primary so I know how it all works and know how to support my kids. It has been a great blessing to me that I was called to be a counselor in primary the very year Carly turned 3 and entered primary. I have served almost exclusively in primary since that time. Other than 2 years in R.S callings I've been activity day leader, nursery leader twice and in 3 different primary presidencies. I really do love primary.

Anyway... I was talking about Mason, not me.

Something in the outline got me thinking about equating other kinds of plans with Heavenly Father's plan. The only kind of plan I could think of that Mason would relate to was a recipe. That got the ball rolling and from that point on, he was actively involved in the discussion and helped write his talk. I try really hard to help them write their own talks. I think it's easier to memorize and a better experience for them if they are involved and the talk is in their words.

This is not to say I don't do a lot of directing and some fine tuning. There's one line in his talk that he lifted right out of a primary song. See if you can find it.

I learned something interesting through this discussion and exercise of writing a talk. Mason does not understand as much as I thought he did. He is the youngest. It is easy to assume I have given him the same instruction I've given the others but somehow, I haven't.

He said to me as we talked, "well, it's kind of pointless I think". "what?" I asked. "Well, Heavenly Father sends us to earth to get a body so we get one and then we die and then our body is gone. That's kind of pointless"

I was really surprised he didn't understand about the resurrection. We talk about it every Easter when we talk about Jesus Christ's atonement, death and resurrection. I realized that I probably use wording designed for the older kids who have the foundation of understanding. So he's kind of lost trying to grasp a concept he doesn't have the foundation to grasp. I had a good talk with him trying to explain it but don't know for sure if he really understands. I know it won't ever be about one conversation but hopefully with this new awareness I'll try to help him understand better and be able to see other holes I've missed in his gospel learning.

Of course after we wrote the talk and practiced it several times....

we had to make cookies to really bring the principle home..

There are 2 parts to the video because he was going along really great and then lost his place and got frazzled. He motioned for me to turn the camera off. After he regrouped, I had him record the end because I knew it would be hard to get him to do the whole thing again because it was almost time to go to church and I was afraid we might forget after church. I was right...

We did however miss one line in the regrouping. he was supposed to say this but only said the first half...

I have a great plan for making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies but if I don’t follow it, they won’t turn out right. Heavenly Father has a great plan for me but if I don’t follow it I won’t receive his blessings.

He did well as he gave his talk in primary. I was able to sit in the back and watch him for the first time. Usually he has required me to stand next to him. It's both exciting and a little sad to be able to watch him do new things and to see that he is not as needful of me. With that last one, it's hard to not be needed.

So... here is Mason's primary talks. In 2 parts.( left side first)

What Samantha has been up to lately.....

Recently Samantha got out her trusty High School Musical Cookbook and asked if we could try some more recipes. A while ago, we had made "perfectly paired cookies", "Name-in-lights lemon bars e, (both subpar) and "Top Billing Taco salad (which was pretty good) and had shelved it for a while. This time, She wanted to try some Ryan & Sharpay recipes

Sharpastries

"what better way to start your day than with Sharpay's favorite food- Pastries! These peach packed turnovers are easy to make and sure to please, even without imported ingredients"

1 12-ounce package refrigerated cinnamon rolls

• 1/3 cup of peach preserves


• 1/8 teaspoon of ground cinnamon


• 1 15-ounce can of peach slices, drained

Steps to Make Peach Pastries:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with foil. Coat foil with non-stick cooking spray. Save for step 3. Open package of cinnamon rolls. Separate dough into rounds. Use the palm of your hand to flatten each round, into 4 1/2 inch circle. Save for step 2.


2. Put peach preserves and cinnamon into small bowl. Stir with a wooden spoon to mix well. Use table knife to spread preserves mixture over each dough circle. Place one or two peach slices on each dough round. (If necessary, use a sharp knife to cut peach slices to fit.) Fold dough over to enclose peach slices. Use fork to seal sides of pastry.


3. Place turnover's on prepared baking sheet. Bake about 12 minutes, or until golden brown. Turn off the oven. Use hot pads to remove baking sheet from oven. If you like, drizzle turnover's with icing, from package. Cool slightly, serve warm. Makes 8 pastries.

(We left out the cinnamon)

Everyone liked them except Jacob (big surprise). They looked kind of weird before we put them in the oven but looked much more appetizing after baking & actually tasted very good. We had trouble with the dough falling apart where it's separated into rings for the cinnamon rolls even though we flattened it out really good. When we folded it over to make the turnover it tended to open a bit where the lines had been. It's probably because I bought the storebrand cinnamon rolls... definitely not up to Sharpay's glitzy high class standards but alas, we do not all have Sharpay's rhinestone studded Gucci wallet!

Our 2nd HSM cooking project was

Ryan's Co-president Potatoes

which was pretty much a funeral potato recipe with frozen hash browns and sour cream, cheese, cream of chicken soup, minced onion.

However, I really liked this recipe & will make it again because it wasn't as saucy as most funeral potato recipes. It came out kind of crispy on the edges and bottom of pan and had a good flavor. It filled a 13 x 9 pan and fed our family. Carly disagreed with me- liking the saucier, more traditional funeral potatoes better but if you think you might like a slimmed down version here's the recipe.

Ryan's Co-President Potatoes

"As co-president of the drama club, Ryan knows supporting roles, like choreographer, are important to putting on a great show. Serve this side dish with a fantastic entree to put together the perfect meal"

1 32 oz bag frozen hash browns, shredded style

1 C shredded cheese

1/2 C sour cream

2 T minced onion

1 can cream of chicken soup

3/4 C milk

1/2 tsp black pepper

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 C crushed cornflakes

1. Let potatoes stand at room temp. to thaw or place in colander in sink and rinse with cold water to thaw. Turn oven to 350º. Lightly coat a 13 x 9 pan with vegetable spray.

2. Pour soup , cheese, milk, sour cream, onion, salt & pepper into a large bowl and mix together. Add potatoes and stir to coat.

3. spoon potato mixture into prepared pan, spreading evenly. cover with foil. Bake 45 minutes. Remove from oven, remove foil and stir potatoes if desired. Top with crushed cornflakes and bake uncovered for 20-25 minutes til heated through and bubbly. Let stand 10 minutes before serving. 12 servings.

We probably used more cornflakes than that. I didn't measure. I also tossed the cornflakes with a little bit of melted butter before putting them on top.

(Even spooning out the soup can be dramatic! Ryan & Sharpay would be so proud)

Samantha had a couple sick days from school this week but is feeling much better now that she has passed it to me. I spent my saturday in bed and am feeling a little better today. She took very good care of me yesterday however. Her older sisters were gone to work and a choir trip and she very capably assumed the female nurturing role much to my appreciation. she checked on me in my bed often, heating up hotpacks, getting me tylenol, water, movies, whatever I needed. The boys were sweet too, about checking on me and getting me something if I asked but Samantha very much has the female instinct for mothering and caretaking.

Because of both of our illnesses we forgot about her primary talk til last night but I was too worn out last night to worry about it. I told her we would work on it this morning. she got up this morning early and I woke up to her very quietly placing the tylenol bottle, a peeled orange and my water bottle on my bedside table with a note. I thanked her and told her to get completely ready for church and then we'd work on her talk. She did all she was asked and about 9:30 we sat down to write her talk. We brainstormed and wrote down her thoughts on the primary theme and discussed her experiences and scriptures she liked and how they related to each other and did a little study on LDS.ORG and this is what she came up with. It's not memorized like we like to do but it's done and it came from her heart. She wanted to share it with her grandparents so this is for you Grandma Donna, Grandpa Mike, Grandma Carla and Papa:

Sunday Journals

I decided we have been too lax about journal writing at our house. I have not encouraged it as I should.

I have adorable journals from when Carly and Rachel were young. I'd have them draw a picture and I'd write around it in their words as they'd explain it to me.

Some of the kids write here and there but most are not consistent. I decided that right after church would be a good time. We get home and raid the fridge for leftovers. Mark stays at the church for a couple hours doing bishopric business and so as soon as all have had a little lunch to tide them over until "Sunday Dinner"which is usually about 4-5-6.... whenever Mark has a meeting break which varies from Sunday to Sunday we could all spend a little quiet time writing. It will be a start.

Today we made our journals. I picked up a ton of 50¢ composition books last fall. We got out our spray adhesive, (extremely handy stuff!) scrapbook paper, fancy hole punches and some embellishments and got to work being creative.

This is how they turned out.....

Carly got frustrated because she kept making silly little mistakes like cutting the paper the wrong way or gluing a piece down too early, etc.

She stuck with it and didn't give up and ended up with a really cute journal

Rachel made one too but she wrapped it up to give to a friend for her birthday before I got the camera out. She's going to make hers later. But this is the picture of her that will be in the November New Era question and answer section so look for her.....

I'm sure you can't read any of them but the stickers are mostly sports related. The ones on the front say "Baseball" and "winners never quit and quitters never win".

Inside the little silver frame is a little smiley face and word bubble things that say "not me!" and "huh?"

Samantha has inherited her mother's indecisiveness and was the LAST one (by a long shot) to choose her papers.

Samantha's inside page was a solid green and then she put flower stickers ALL OVER. But because of the aforementioned slowness she wasn't finished with it when I took pictures. You'll just have to imagine it.....

Mason went for a "hawaiian theme" with surfboards on the front and palm trees on the inside pages.

Here's the back...

the inside...

wait for it-

Ta-da!

Prerequisites

Last night I went to bed early with a horrible stomachache and headache. It came on suddenly and within seconds it seemed, I became a sad, needy woman with my children bringing me coldpacks for my head and my ipod so I could listen to soft music while I tried to fall asleep. Falling asleep with a tummyache is kind of hard.

The kids were so solicitious, Rachel and Jacob especially....

"What can I get for you? Anything else mommy?"

Such sweet kids. It was so nice to have someone taking care of me a little bit.

As I laid there I wondered what was wrong with me. It wasn't a typical-feeling tummyache.

Was it stress?

Was it the 90 minutes of driving I did a few hours before with my 16 yr old daughter who had a couple of close calls when we practiced Parking next to cars?

Was it being gone several days to Wyoming for my grandma's funeral, getting back Friday afternoon, and trying to get back into the swing of things?

Was it that my husband was sustained as a counselor to the new bishop in our ward that morning?

Was it that, for the life of me, I can't figure out how to spell the word that means "the group that a bishop and his 2 counselors form. I usually pride myself on my spelling skills. This time, I'm stuck.....

Is it

*Bishopbrick* as in compound word? as in the bishop needs two bricks for his counselor so they can make a strong wall of leadership for the ward members to lean upon?

*Bishoprick* as in Who's Rick and why are all Bishops and their counselors named after him?

*Bishopric* as in nothing at all.... as in there doesn't seem to be enough letters to make all the sounds when I say the word but it does seem vaguely familiar.

I have a feeling I should know how to spell it. It must be a prerequisite to being able to support him...

This morning I felt a little better, still a little queasy but no headache. I got better as the day progressed. I could relapse however unless somebody tells me how to spell that word!!!!!

Help.

Family Home Evening: Jacob style

Jacob had the lesson for FHE recently. Honesty was his topic. He did a great job of finding stories about the blessings of honesty and the negative consequences of dishonesty in the friend magazine and related scriptures in the Bible and Book of Mormon. He was serious and careful and gave a great lesson. A few of us got this look when we weren't paying attention...

When he complained bitterly to me that "it doesn't feel good at all to be standing there trying to teach a lesson and have people laughing and whispering and just not paying attention at all", I threw my arm around his shoulders and professed that I understood completely and that in the future he should remember just how that felt so as to never make anyone else feel that way....

(one can always hope...)

As I said, the lesson was good... but Activity time was when he really shined.

He and Samantha wrote several honesty scenarios, tucked them into plastic bags and taped them to the front door. Then the Tomy20 was loaded.

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, was to hit one of those plastic bags with a dart from the gun. Whichever one we hit was our "question" to answer.

I got a lot of razzing from the Big cheese when I was aiming at the door

and I would like to state, for the record, that I am the ONLY Bocanegra that hit a plastic bag.

As it became apparent nobody was the skilled markswoman that I was, Jacob wisely decided to pull the bag off the door that was "closest" to where their dart hit.

He even made Dessert.

*Scotcharoo's*

(A.K.A O'Henry bars w/chocolate and butterscotch chips mixed in the topping to those of you with a Lowe cookbook)

Rachel is not in the picture as she does not like Scotcharoos.

sad, yes~ but not without it's silver lining.....

More for the rest of us!

extra kindness

We had another rough night in the ER with kidney stones. I've stopped blogging about the kidney stones because they are becoming so commonplace. Going to the ER is not so novel anymore, it's run of the mill. Mark's had 7 or 8 episodes since that first one on Mother's day this year. It's sad that I'm not even sure. I've lost count. 7 or 8.... maybe it's 6. Maybe it's 9. Who knows.

And the only reason I mention it now is because it's directly related to what I really want to talk about, and that is kindness. Extra kindness. That kindness that comes when you go asking for help, for kindness, from people you know will help and then they go a step further and offer more. Humbling you, making you cry and feel especially loved and watched over. A reminder that angels are not only in heaven.

Extra Kindness #1

The pain started as we were doing some grocery shopping in Smiths around 5:30pm yesterday. Mark complained his back was starting to hurt. At 6:30 when I was coming home from going back to Smiths to get the bag of groceries the bagger forgot to put in our cart, Carly called me saying Mark was in bad shape and when would I be home. We found ourselves in the ER shortly thereafter. It happened so fast. He was in so much pain, worse than ever before. Through his pain, responsible man that he is, he remembered about a meeting he had in the morning with a member of the stake presidency. He asked me to call him and indicate he would not be able to make it. I did. This brother asked if there was anything he could do. I said no, thanked him for his concern. I hung up. A few minutes later found me calling him back saying yes, there was something he could do and asked if he'd be willing to find another priesthood holder and come to the hospital to give Mark a blessing. Of course he was willing. Of course he came.

At this point Mark had been in severe pain for 3 hours with no relief. We'd been to the instacare hoping for a cheaper avenue to resolve the pain. This had been a waste of time and money because they couldn't do much for him. We spent an hour there and he got 2 pain shots which didn't do a thing for him. We left $100 worth of Christmas presents in their cash register and went on to the ER where he'd now had 2 doses of pain medication through an IV and it still wasn't even taking the edge off his pain. I was feeling so anxious about so many things. The money, the pain, the fears that there's something more sinister going on than a kidney stone, that he's going to die and leave me alone. I know, not very rational thoughts but still they came.

The man that I called found another good man, a good friend of Mark's who he knew Mark would feel comfortable with in his vulnerable position and they came and put their hands upon his head, anointed him with oil and gave him a priesthood blessing. A kindness that I had requested, that I very much appreciated. Then when the blessing was over and Mark was thanking them, he remembered some church business, something that he was responsible for and started discussing it with these brothers, wanting to make sure it was taken care of the next day and not forgotten. My hand flew to my face to stifle a laugh that in this state of horrible pain he would think of and worry about those he was responsible for. I don't know why it struck me as funny, just one of those little moments where I let the worry slip away and thought about all the reasons I love this man. And because I allowed that small release of emotion, I felt my tenuous hold over my tears slipping and tried to keep that in check because Mark needed me to be strong. I thought this slip was my own private moment. It happened quickly and I was able to get a hold of myself fairly quickly but as I moved my hand from my face I saw our friend looking at me with concern and he asked "would you like a blessing?". I felt a little silly, as I was not the one in pain, saying yes but I knew that I needed a blessing of peace and comfort. I needed some help. It was beautiful and strengthening and exactly what I needed to continue on. We were there for 3 more hours and back again this morning for an hour and through those long hours, over and over the words of the blessing would come back to comfort and strengthen me when I was feeling overwhelmed. It helped to replace my fear with Faith and I am grateful for the gift we have from our Heavenly Father of the priesthood power on the earth to heal and sustain and bring peace. And I'm grateful for the extra kindness of our friend to notice me and ask if I needed a blessing.

Extra kindness #2

I called my friend to say that I wouldn't be in church today but my kids would and would she mind sitting near them so if the little ones gave Carly any grief she could help keep them in line. My kids know her very well and we used to trade baby-sitting before we each had baby-sitting age daughters so they are used to minding her. This is the kindness I asked for and she agreed.

She then asked about after church, did I need her to take the kids then. Mark was still in a lot of pain and needing me close so I accepted this extra kindness. I answered that my older girls had choir practice and if she really didn't mind, it would help if the little kids stayed at her house til they were done and Carly and Rachel could walk them home and be able to help me with them. I called about the time I thought the girls should be done with choir practice and my friend answered, saying they were just sitting down to dinner and she'd feed them and then they could come home. Another extra kindness. With most of Mark's episodes I'm a little tired but mostly fine the next day but this one has been particularly stressful and I have had a terrible headache and just not felt myself today so not having to worry about the noise and dinner has been so helpful. Extra kindness. Extra love.

I have much to be Thankful for.

Sunday Confessions

confession |kənˈfe sh ən|• an admission or acknowledgment that one has done something that one is ashamed or embarrassed about

I really like playing spiritual music on Sunday. I think it makes it easier to keep my mind where it should be. However (here's the confession part...) I don't really like the MOTAB. shhhh....

I like them in conference. They fit. The music is beautiful. I just never enjoy listening to them outside of that setting. I feel really guilty about that. I have 2 friends who have been part of that amazing choir. I kept it a secret for a long time. Then I told my brother David in a shameful admission when he was visiting me once. I think I even whispered when I said it. He laughed at me. I thought we had an understanding. I thought he would keep my secret.....

I was wrong.

Last year I got a phone call from my parents. It was holiday time. Much of the family was assembled and if memory serves me correctly, David was getting heckled about something, I think it might have been his own "not a fan of the MOTAB admission, but to throw attention off of himself, he threw me under the bus by making the startling announcement "well, Jamie doesn't like the MOTAB!" shock and awe ensued. My parents were disbelieving. They called me. It went something like this "Jamie, David says you don't like the MOTAB but we know that's not true..."

They waited to hear my denial but I was tired of living a lie so I confessed. "It's true, I don't really enjoy them except in conference."

I could here them relating to the assembled family group "He's right... she doesn't" and David's triumphant crow of "I told you!! I told you!!!!"

My mother and father in hushed tones proclaimed "we thought we knew you..."

I sighed. "I'm still the same girl, really. can you still love me? even if our Sunday music tastes differ..."

It was a lot for them to handle but they are loving parents so they were able to set aside their disappointment and love me for who I really am: a girl who likes a little guitar and drums in her sunday music. A girl who likes nonLDS Christian artists as well as LDS artists.

Some of my favorite sunday music:

Amy Grant: we have several cd's but "the collection " and "legacy: hymns & faith" are 2 of my favorites

Cherie Call: She is a great local LDS artist. I have all her Cd's but my favorite is "he gives flowers to everyone"

Alan Jackson: "Precious memories"

"A child's prayer: primary songs for bedtime" is a compilation cd of primary songs that are sung by different local artists with different arrangements. It's absolutely beautiful.

Micheal Dowdle: accoustic guitar arrangements of primary songbook and hymns. The cd's are called "25 beloved hymns" and "25 beloved primary songs" It's soft and pretty.

What are your favorites?

I would love good reccommendations for gospel spirituals. ie. swing low sweet chariot, etc.

Now that I'm out of the Sunday Music closet I would also like to confess to anyone who knew me during my Rick's college years... I NEVER liked Afterglow!

For the Grandma's and Grandpa's, Aunties and uncles

Mason's primary talk. I asked him some leading questions and he gave me answers and together we wrote his talk. It's a little different every time he gives it but the main ideas are the same. He can do it without much help from me. You can hear me whisper a couple prompts but the pictures help him remember what comes next.

Daddy Daughter Nerd Night

The Young women (church youth group) planned a Daddy Daughter Nerd Night for their midweek activity. My crew REALLY got into it. They had so much fun getting their costumes together. The girls didn't even ask for help from me although I heard Rachel lamenting for a while she didn't know what to do in exasperated tones at Carly. She pulled her look together quite nicely in the end. Mark, however, required a bit more help from me. I found and taped the glasses. I fetched his shoes and attached his suspenders. There was a LOT of giggling as we watched these 3 pull together their outfits.

The shorts add a bit of sporty fun as if to say... "I may have tape on my glasses & pencils in my pocket but I know how to PAR-TAY!"

"I love technology"

Rachel goes completely academic with her science book and a pencil in her hair, while Carly pulls inspiration from several angles... She's got her "I conquered homework" t-shirt, a star wars clone wars mask AND she's carrying something with a DRAGON. (which she was really into in 6th grade by the way... we're lucky we pulled her back from that dangerous precipice or she'd be a full on Dungeons and Dragons Babe by now.)

"Don't bother me, I'm reading"

Rachel tried to go "Napoleon" and wear snow boots but they were too big and clumsy so she opted for the ever popular "socks with sandals".

The evening was a success. They came home in good spirits having won the most coveted award "Most nerdy overall". Rachel was very disappointed she lost a pie eating contest "by one bite"!!!! . Mark won the eat a marshmallow off a string contest and Rachel made a good showing in the eat a doughnut off a string contest and Carly discovered "I have a really small mouth" so competitive eating is really not an avenue she'll be pursuing.

Thanks to Julie and the other Young Women leaders for planning such a fun night!

It's Gr8 to be eight! volume 2

Samantha's Baptism day: June 6, 2009

With Grandma Donna at the church

With Grandma Carla, Papa and Mason at home

me and my girl

My friend Donna helped me sew this dress when Carly was planning her baptism.  All 3 of my girls have been baptized in it and now it will be put away for their girls or maybe never to be used again.... and that will be okay.  It's not a fabulous work of art or anything but I liked that I made it.  It was like giving them all I could on that day as they crossed the threshold of accountability and membership.  No... I didn't sew Jacob a jumpsuit or a white shirt and pants.  I know my limits.  I had to just give him an extra hug.  

Waiting with Dad and Mason for the program to begin.  (Didn't sew Mark's jumpsuit either...)

With Carly

She's ready!

 I love this girl so much.  She has some intense determination once she makes a decision.  When she decides to be in a bad mood.... WATCH OUT!  It's a doozy.  When she decides to be sweet and kind, there's nothing better.  She fights for what she needs and being the 3rd girl and #4 of 5 kids, between the "baby"brother and a very assertive big brother, sometimes she has to fight hard. I haven't always realized that when she's fighting she's mostly just asking to be loved.   

About a year ago we were having a hard day with many confrontations and as she stood there, eyes blazing, determined-  and I stood there frustrated, angry, wondering what to do with her, I was suddenly reminded of my favorite literary character, Jane Eyre.  As a child Jane stood up for herself without apology when she felt things were unfair.  It has helped me to see her as Jane when she's angry.  It's easier to remember that she's feeling things are out of balance and needs a little extra love and attention more than my anger.