Notes from my boy

Valentines Day 2013

I wish I could read what was on the hearts! I waited too long to record this-

One morning before school we had an argument. He is the sweetest thing 99.8% of the time; but that other 0.02% is a doozy.  When he is naughty.... watch out!  He was being very disrespectful and made me very upset.  After school, I found this beside my bed.  We were back to the 99.8%.

I was grateful.

Father Mason: Spanish Explorer & Strong John

At some point in the 2012-2013 school year......

Mason had some fun dressing up.....

And when he does it, he likes to go all out.

The 4th grade curriculum studies Utah history.  They learn songs about the Native American Tribes, the different counties in Utah, the Explorers and Mountain Men who first explored our lands here in Utah and the Pioneers who first settled it.

Then in the spring, they have a concert for parents and the rest of the school to show what they know.

Mason's teacher chose 2 students to be the Spanish explorers, Father Dominguez and Father Escalante for one of the songs.  Mason took it very seriously.  

He came home so excited and telling me all about it.  He insisted he needed a costume. I wasn't sure what to do for a Father Dominguez costume and was surprised his teacher hadn't sent a note home explaining what he needed to do. It sure was easy to handle since I know her so well! She had been Rachel's and Samantha's 4th grade teacher as well. I called her up and she was as surprised as I was.  She explained that she had swords and a helmet for them and a map.  They were just supposed to kind of wander around the stage as the rest of the 4th graders sang, looking at their map and "discussing" where to travel, etc.  She had never told them they needed more than this but Mason decided HE needed more than this....

 

We talked about it and decided we would go with dark clothing and so he found some gloves and a dk brown shirt and black pants.  He felt pretty good about this but felt like he needed just a little bit more...

We decided a cross would be just the thing for Father Dominguez-

 so we went out into the yard and found some suitable twigs that were straight and not too thin and not too thick.  We cut them to a good length and lashed them together with some twine.  He was SSOOOO thrilled with the result. The day of the performance, he came into my classroom so upset as he had forgot his cross... I probably shouldn't have... you know how we are supposed to let them reap the consequences of irresponsibility and all that..... but I did it... I ran home and got his necklace.  

And I haven't regretted it for a moment.  

Responsibility is important but sometimes it's just as important to be rescued. 

Also at some point in 2012-2013---

His class had a "Character lunch".

They had spent several weeks writing a "Tall Tale" adventure story.  They were having lunch in their classroom together and were invited to dress up as their main character and take turns reading excerpts from their stories.  

Mason's story was called "Strong John"

Strong John has a mustache and- if you haven't guessed it- super strength!

His eyes are especially strong.  If he stares at something very hard for more than 5 seconds then that thing turns to dust.  If he is angry while he's doing that, the thing just blows up!

His father was the strongest man in town. This was a magic town and in it lived an evil fairy. Someone had a magical rock and threw it at the fairy to make the fairy good and when the rock was thrown, some of the dust fell from the magic rock onto the baby and into his eyes and that's how he became Strong John.

Mason wanted to dress up of course.  He had very specific ideas about the way he wanted his hair combed and then there was the mustache... 

I wasn't sure how to do that.  I remembered some dark brown felt in my fabric box and cut out a suitable shape.  Then there was the how to get it to stick question.  

I remembered when my girls were babies, hearing that people stuck bows on their babies heads with karo syrup.  I had never tried it because with their 1/4 Mexican blood, they were born with lots of dark hair that I could clip barrettes into.

We smeared some karo syrup onto the back of the mustache and stuck it on his upper lip and it held! Strong John was able to make an appearance during 4th grade lunch.

I love that my kids like to get into their activities and aren't afraid to dress up and have fun.

I was so much more self conscience at their age and LOVE the freedom they feel to be themselves and have fun.  

And the prize goes to Mason.....

For lamest excuse of the week!

(so far)

Upon finding that he had devoured about 20-30 frozen cookie dough balls between Saturday afternoon and Sunday before church...

(all that was left was an open ziploc bag- still in the freezer of course- with 2 chocolate chips and a few crumbs of peanut buttery oatmeal goodness.)

I said in righteous indignation...

(Have I mentioned how absolutely fantastic I am at righteous indignation?)

"You know the rules about treats! Since when has it been okay to just go get into stuff without asking? And since when has it been okay to eat that many cookies?????!!!!!! That was very selfish!"

He then replied,

"well, ever since you made those zucchini muffins that you keep in the freezer for us I thought I could have the cookies too..."

.......................................

.................................................huh?

So all you moms out there know he just completely ramped up the righteous indignation lecture with that little gem right?

silver lining: At least he fessed up to taking the cookies in the first place. I need to remember that and commend him for that. He's been working hard all afternoon to make up for it today.

In defense of the treasure hunt.

I love author, Robert Farrell Smith's, quirky sense of humor. He has written several LDS romantic comedies. He uses silly metaphors, eccentric characters set in Hick towns and his main character is usually a good hearted, endearing returned missionary who's a little lost personally and finds redemption through falling in love with a wonderful girl and a goofy congregation who he comes to love and who love him back unconditionally. They're not realistic but they're fun!

My all time favorite is Captain Matrimony:

Recently I was at my parent's cabin and had time for relaxation and reading. They are also fans and had a new one I'd not read before called "The Miracle of Forgetness".

It was a little harder to get into but I kept at it simply because I had liked his other books so much and about halfway through I was sold.

In this book the main character gets involved with a girl who turns out to definitely NOT be the girl of his dreams and she kidnaps him and takes him on a terrible theme date; part of the horror is a treasure hunt. He despises the entire thing, especially the treasure hunt which made me a little squirmy because I have sent Mark on many treasure hunts during our almost 20 years together. Mark, however, loves the treasure hunt. (At least he always looks like he's having fun and seems very happy during and after)

The first treasure hunt I sent him on was for his 23rd birthday. We had been dating a few weeks and he knew I was planning something because I had come to his work to pick up his condo keys. I told him I was making him dinner. I decorated his apartment with streamers and balloons, even taping a balloon to the outside of his door so it would be the first thing he'd see.

I placed a card with the first clue up against the TV and then I left. When he got home he thought he had me all figured out. He decided I was acting so cagey I must be throwing him a surprise party. He saw the balloon on the door and was sure he was right. He threw open the door to make his entrance and nothing. He wasn't perplexed, we must be hiding in the bedroom! He flung open each bedroom door with a surprised smile prepared. Now he was flummoxed. He sat down on the couch wondering what was up.....

Finally, he spied the card, opened it up. The first clue led him to a couple clues in the condo and then to the laundry room down the hall. Aha, a strange place to be surprised but that must be it. We were all waiting in the laundry room! He walked down the hall to find nothing but another clue in the dryer. This clue sent him down to the BBQ pool area. It was all making sense now. We were waiting at the pool. An evening BBQ and swimming pool party would be just the ticket for an August bday boy in Palm Springs California. What a smart little girlfriend he had! He was so sure he even went back to his condo and changed into his swim trunks so as to be ready for the party.

He hurried down to the pool area and SURPRISE!! nobody was there. He was really confused now. He found the next clue in the BBQ and went back upstairs to change. This clue sent him to a waterpark in town where a mutual friend worked. He wasn't taking anything for granted now and left his swim trunks at home. At the water park he got a present (a new tie)& his final clue that sent him to a fabulous little hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant we both loved called El Gallito where I was waiting for him. It was a party for 2! He got a kick out of the whole thing and we had a great evening.

Through the years I have sent him on anniversary and birthday and father's day treasure hunts, some all at home, some where he has to drive around and find me. If he didn't enjoy it, knowing him, I am certain I would hear about it.

The most recent treasure hunt I sent him on was for Father's day.

This time the kids were in on it. I always write little rhyming clues and this year Carly wrote the clues with lots of help from her brothers and sisters.

We had bought him a few of his favorite treats for Father's day.

There were 2 boxes of ACT II butter Lover's popcorn, one package for every night he was going to be in North Carolina training for his new job the first half of July. Rachel usually makes him popcorn almost every night and we didn't want him to be without!

There were also Cheez-It crackers, Oreos and a red Tshirt that says "Awesome DAD".

The kids wrapped each present individually and hid one present with each clue so he would be collecting presents along the way.

He was like the Pied Piper.

He would read his clue and then march to where he thought the next clue would be

singing "left, left, left, right, left"

The kids would march behind him singing too.

He made it fun for them.

Now you tell me-

Doesn't this guy

look like he's having fun?

Agency: Revisited

Mason got his stitches out saturday afternoon at the Instacare.

Thankfully, once again it was not a busy time and we only waited a few minutes before getting called back. I was a little irritated when we checked in that the receptionist wanted me to go over all the details of the accident again. I would answer a detail and then say "it should all be in his chart. We explained it all to the nurse and doctor on Monday night." Then she'd ask another question. Is this to trip us up in case we're abusers? Make sure our story is the same 2nd time around? If that's it, I'm pretty sure we got our details right and it's less irritating if it's to protect a child. If not, it's just annoying!

Mason had the same nurses as Monday night so they remembered him and talked to him & made him feel comfortable. A new doctor came in and checked his stitches and healing cut briefly, determined all was well and exited, leaving the nurse to remove the stitches. The suture was very fine and so it was hard for her to grasp the individual stitches with the tweezers and cut.

Mason laid down on the table with his eyes closed and was very brave and patient. I could see a tear held back in his eyelashes and I could see the determined set of his chin. It was wrinkled telling me he was flexing his little muscles to hold back tears and you could see just a touch of wobble to that cute little chin. She had to scrape a little at the minimal amount of scabbing and had to pull the sutures up to find a place to get the edge of the scissors in to cut.

This might not be a big deal for a lot of kids but for my little Mason, this was huge. He has had a big problem with fear of pain. He has had serious freakouts at the dentist and the doctor and even when he had a large plantar's wart on the bottom of his foot and we were trying to treat it. I would need to check it every few days and reapply the Duct tape and he would kick and cry and make me so crazy I couldn't stand him for a few minutes. (The duct tape totally worked by the way. The medicine the doctor prescribed was $70 and my insurance wouldn't cover it. My friend Wendy told me about the tape method and we did it on his foot. We left a piece on, covering the wart's surface, day and night changing it every few days for a few weeks and it disappeared, never to reappear!)

During the process, the nurse asked him a couple times if he was okay. He didn't respond. I think he was finding his own happy place of coping. He asked a couple of times "are you done yet?" but he asked calmly and stayed patient through the process.

We took him to Macey's for ice cream afterwards.

I've tried to make a big deal out of his brave attitude. It is nice to see your children climb their own little mountains.

Just like the first half of this whole situation.....

It's all about Agency!

A father's advice and "concern"

*found this post from April... don't know why I didn't post it. Better late than never*

Carly was watching Pride and Prejudice tonight while Mark was at the Priesthood Conference Session.

She had been helping me trim the roses and got her feet tangled up in a sprinkler which she didn't notice. It gouged a little hole in her ankle where the metal hit right on the bone which hurts so bad. She cried a little and limped in. Samantha and I helped her to the couch and propped her foot up and got her an ice pack. Even Mason got involved and slapped a band-aid on her toe. It was kind of funny because she had 3 gouges and scrapes from ankle to toe and he applied the band-aid to the smallest one. She didn't even feel him stick it on.

A little Colin Firth was needed for her convalescence.......

When Mark got home he noticed what was on and started complaining loud and long.

Jacob walked down to the TV room, sat and watched for a minute and then came up to the kitchen where his dad was. I said "hey Jacob you should try watching it. You might like it." I wanted him to make up his own mind and not be tainted by his father's extreme prejudice against anything with a corset and an accent.

Too late. Before Jacob could reply Mark said "I don't want you watching that Jacob. There is no reason you should watch that movie." Then he amended his statement with this fatherly advice. "Unless you're dating a girl and want to impress her or you're just married. It might be okay then but when you hit the 10 year anniversary, you shouldn't have to watch anymore!"

Looking for Summer Sanity: The Tattle Report

The Tattle Report

Tell me all about it.

Here.

Right here.

Only here.

There has been an EXPLOSION of tattling at my house this summer. It's making me crazy. I've never been one to put a kibosh on the tattling because hey... it's how I stay informed. It's been a useful tool for me. Let me tell you friends, it is useful no longer!

Within a 5 minute period I have had as many as 3 angry faces (some of those faces more than once) in my face yelling at me what so and so has done and how terrible they are and what they think I need to do about it RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has become a riot of emotion, especially for one child (who shall remain nameless) who already feels they are "not listened to" and things are never "fair". There is no way to explain to this child that less is more.

My wonderful, wonderful sister was here from California, with her 2 children, visiting me this week and was privileged to watch this tattletrain in motion. On her 2nd day here, she looked at me very seriously and said "I have an idea that might work for you". She is a 2nd grade teacher and uses this idea in her classroom. She hasn't had need of it yet at her home. Things are a little quieter with 2.... Not that she doesn't have her share of tattles and scuffles. It just has not ballooned to the epic tattle-tale monstrosity that is going on at my house.

She has a binder called "The Tattle Report". As a class they go through what it is and she does a sample for them. Tattlers must report their tattle in the tattle report following the assigned format or forgo the privilege of being listened to. She gets to it when she gets to it and that is that.

Friday afternoon I wrote up the following sample "Tattle Report" for my children and discussed it with them. They were full of "What if this???" and "What if that????" I declared the only exception was bloodshed. If you are bleeding you may tell me right now. Then I got "What if someone is holding me down and I can't get away?" and my uncaring response was "well if that were the case you wouldn't be able to tell me anyway! When you get away... Put it in the tattle report!"

Tattle Report:

Reporter: Mom

When: Monday July 7th 4:15 pm

Who: Mom and Kids

What: I am getting frustrated and can’t handle all the kids coming to me several times a day or several times an hour with a story of what someone has done and what I should do and how they should be punished. I think I am overreacting sometimes when I shouldn’t and I am not listening sometimes when I should.

Solution: I am instituting the “Tattle Report”. When you have a problem with someone else you need to write it in this book in this format:

Reporter:

When:

Who:

What:

Solution:

and I will deal with situations at lunch and dinnertime/bedtime depending on the day and what is going on. I love you all and think this will help us handle our disagreements fairly and less emotionally.

Remember! If you want me to listen.... WRITE IT DOWN!

I didn't really put it into action until Saturday when the cousins and Auntie Jennifer left for home. It was noon. It was saturday cleaning time. They were in charge of their bedrooms and their room job. Boy did the fighting start then (as it always does on cleaning day).

I was very consistent and would only smile and say "Put it in the tattle report" to which a couple of them marched off indignantly to write it all down. One came back another time after writing his first report and wanted to tell me something else that he deemed worthy of immediate attention. I ascertained there was no blood and smiled and said "Put it in the tattle report" and He growled and yelled and stomped his feet and yelled "I DON"T WANT TO PUT IT IN THE TATTLE REPORT!!!!!" and slammed his door. All of which I pointedly ignored.

At dinnertime we opened the book and dealt with each report coming up with an appropriate consequence for each problem. I wrote "Mom's solution" and what I was going to do about it at the bottom of each report as we dealt with it.

I have to say I am in LOVE with the tattle report. I was so much less emotional in dealing with their complaints. The kids were also much less emotional in dealing with the situations and we could discuss them without screaming and the fight accelerating. I listen and deal with each report whereas before I would deal with it as it came until I was losing my mind and then would declare (as I was screaming and pulling out my hair) "I don't want to hear it" which made one child in particular crazy as well - as they feel very strongly the need to be heard.

I think this is going to help them work out some of their problems better on their own. I think it's going to make them think twice about what they report as they have to do some work now to report it. I think a side benefit will be that they learn that they need to be specific and detailed in writing their explanation so I understand what they are saying.

I know I will need to be very consistent with this or it will not work.

I will let you know how it progresses as the summer progresses.

I have had 4 reports on Saturday and 5 reports today. So far. One child just came to me as I was typing and said in a highly emotional state "this needs to be dealt with now!!!! (repeated 5 times) I just smiled and said "Put it in the tattle report" and "it's almost dinnertime, better get it in now!" She is quietly writing. I am still typing and smiling.

Some interesting patterns....

8 of 9 reports are by one child.

6 of 9 reports are problems with One sibling in particular....

Interesting.

*Sigh*

Life is good with the tattle report.

Thanks Jennifer. You are a lifesaver. I love you. And not just for the tattle report. I had a great time and am so grateful you took the time, $ and energy to drive up here to visit little old me. :)

As for the rest of the visit:

We went to Discovery park. The 2 older boys and Carly and Rachel went to 7 peaks waterpark. They "camped" outside til midnight and then came in to go to bed. They got eaten by Mosquitos. They ran around and played. We went to lunch. We watched a movie. We had a great time!

We had to take them to our favorite ice cream joint....

Curtis and Jacob-

These guys were inseparable. Just a year apart in age. Always together. No fighting.

Partners in crime.

Jacob is usually the one feeling like he doesn't have a cousin to hang out with at family activities as the families we see most often are mostly girls and there are no boy cousins his age

These 3 played well together although Samantha sometimes felt like "I'm a big kid... I want to be with the big kids" and hanging with Mason and Alyssa made her feel "not big" but she didn't quite mesh with the 2 older boys.

This time it was her feeling a little displaced instead of Jacob.

Mason and Alyssa.

These 2 are the same age and played together so well. They didn't fight with each other either and had so much fun together. They did however get mad at their big brothers quite a few times.

Angels among us

Today was a difficult day.  We are all off kilter from the irregularities of the past few weeks.  Family reunion, surprise trip to Vegas, Girls camp.  I haven't even had time to post about any of it.   I was feeling very negative as I reflected on my week at girls camp.  Carly was off to her summer babysitting gig.  Rachel is in Toquerville and the 3 youngest were just supposed to clean their rooms before breakfast so we could head off by 9am and get some things done.  1. Junior High registration 2.  pick up money from Mark's office 3. bank 4. check elementary school to see class lists and teacher for coming school year.  5. go grocery shopping 6. stop at library

Well.. those negative feelings kept working on me and by 11am I was crying on the couch feeling like a failure as a mother because the children are fighting nonstop with each other and with me and I've lost my temper with Mason and spanked him and blah blah blah. 

First Samantha found me, then Jacob and finally Mason.  They laid down next to me & on top of me, started crying with me and began listing reasons why I'm the best mom they ever had  and how they'll try harder to not fight and will be good. 

Their reasons: 

I try to teach them not to fight

I let them spend time with daddy

I take them to the park

I bought them new school clothes 

I buy them snacks

I make them special birthday cakes 

They get to choose their own party themes, etc

We dried our tears and spent some time in a big group hug.  We finished up our chores and started on our errands.  We'd already hit Mark's office, the jr. high, the elementary school and one grocery store when we stopped at the library.

At the library Jacob said he was going upstairs to look for a book on knights and dragons.  Mason wanted to go with him.  I told Mason "no you'll have to stay on the main level with me while I look at books and if we have time I'll take you up later" He started to kick and scream and just throw a fit because I said no.  

I moved to the closest chair to sit down and hold him, trying to keep him from kicking or headbutting me.  It was right in the front where lots of people were milling around.  I couldn't just leave because Jacob and Samantha were off looking and I didn't want to leave them alone in the library.  I sat in the chair struggling with Mason for a LOOOOOOONG time.  It was very embarrassing.  I had to fight back the tears again as I felt myself becoming a spectacle.  There were some library workers right near me working on a display and I was very aware of their continuous sidelong glances.   I was able to keep pretty calm in spite of it all, I suppose because I had no other choice.  I kept telling Mason I would let go of him when he could sit quietly.  I took away his book checking out privilege.  He finally settled down and went to look at books in a reading corner while I looked at the discard shelves I love to peruse in search of cheap treasures.  

One of the librarians I had noticed nearby and assumed was imagining lots of horrible things about me and my parenting skills stopped me and told me how wonderfully she thought I'd handled the situation.  She said she sees a lot of parents and children and lots of different situations and praised me for being patient and calm.  She loved how I responded to Mason and thought it was the perfect thing to do.  I was flabbergasted.  I started to tear up  and so did she.  

I was so very grateful for her kind words.  They meant so much to me.  I wasn't feeling very wonderful and she helped turn my day around.  She gave me hope.  Here's to you my Library Angel. Thank you!