I wish I had another kidney Stone about now -

Yes. You read that title right. This is Mark. I've never posted on this thing before but right now I will do just about anything to stay out of the T.V. room. Carly is watching "Hamlet" for some school homework assignment or something like that. No man should have to go through what I am going through right now. I just don't get it. I wish they would all die! I can stomach a lot, but this? If there is a hell, I'm sure it will be having to sit and watch Hamlet, over and over and over again. I must admit, for a while I thought Carly was nearly perfect. She sure blew it tonight. She talks about her "Somethings and Nothings". Well this is definitely the "Nothing". I still got another hour and a half of this garbage. Well, I guess something good came out of it. I read Jamie's blog for the first time. Interesting article that "Battle of Wills". A man can sure learn a lot about himself reading his wife's blog. Jamie will probably delete this post so I don't know why I'm wasting my time with this. Oh well. It sure beats watching Hamlet.

A battle of Wills

I am a pretty traditional wife.

For the most part, I cook, I clean, I take care of the children, I pick up his dirty socks and take them to the hamper, wash them, dry them and put them away. You get the picture. And I usually don't mind. I like taking care of him.

Sometimes I balk. I cross my arms, plant my feet and say I won't!

It's kind of random. The things I won't do. I don't iron his shirts. Unless I'm feeling REALLY really nice. And I'm ironing the little boy's shirts. Then I'll get all magnanimous and offer to iron a shirt. But not two. Never two.

When Mark gets back from his campouts, his luggage usually sits out for days...

I ask nicely or not so... depending on mood "will you take care of this suitcase today or tomorrow?" I wait. Sometimes I can't stand it and end up putting it away myself which really ticks me off. It's become something of a battle of wills every time. And yes, I have seen that "everybody loves Raymond episode.

Mark had a big week long campout with all the young men in the stake the first week of August. He got home August 8th. Yesterday was the 3 week mark, 21 days. There it sat. It had moved from the front room to the family room. I did that. I didn't want it to be the first thing people saw when they came in my front door. It sat and sat and sat. About a week after he got home he did empty the clothes out. He needed his scout shirt for a meeting. He even did laundry that day because he needed a CLEAN scout shirt. Thanks honey!

His birthday came on August 19th at the 11 day mark. In a magnaminous burst of birthday selflessness and humility I offered to put it away but I needed to know where to put the remaining, very random items left inside. He didn't want to deal with that question and said he'd do it himself. okay. I waited some more.

I miraculously was able to

#1 keep my mouth shut about it most days. I made that initial request, the offer and one or two comments that may or may not have been sarcastic in reference to the suitcase.....

#2 not let it turn me into a seething resentful wife. It really didn't bug me this time the way it has before.

#3 Not do it myself. Other than the b-day offer which was to be a gift. It WAS his birthday after all....

It's finally gone. It was the youth BBQ yesterday that did it. People would be coming in through the family room door to the restroom and there sat that pesky suitcase right in the path.

It's funny though. I titled this "A battle of wills" because I started this post on 8/14 at 1:45 am at the 6 day mark. When we've had the suitcase issue before it has really felt like a battle of wills: me staring at it every day, being annoyed, making comments, getting angry, feeling like he doesn't care about my feelings because he won't put it away, etc. but this time I didn't choose to be annoyed. It wasn't a battle and I realize for him it never was. He just didn't want to do it because he hates going down the stairs with his bad knees and yeah, he probably hoped I would do it but he's not going to get angry at me because I won't.

I didn't consciously say to myself this time "I am not going to choose to be offended". I was just too busy with birthdays and school starting and other concerns. It makes me sad that I've created so many battle of wills over the years that just didn't need to be, that I suited up for first and drug him into...

I hope I remember this and learn from this. It's so much easier to just make the choices about what I am going to do or not do without anger and resentment and let him make his.

My Husband went to the ER and all I got was this dumb bracelet

One more time.

An early morning trip to the Emergency room.

Kidney Stones.

Once again, I hope it will be the last time.

We didn't have to wait this time. I'm telling you- 3am is the time to hit the ER. No wait.

I came home with a doped up Hubby and a cute red bracelet.

Of course we had a youth BBQ scheduled at our house tonight. Of course!

It's going on now and Mark is out there, smiling, talking, putting on a good show.

He was supposed to make dutch oven desserts. He still planned to do it all morning until I sent him to the kitchen to make a shopping list. I asked him if he could think straight enough to figure it all out as I was doing laundry. He said he thought he could. He came back in a few minutes later with a change of heart. "I'm not making the desserts. I just don't have the energy." I was glad. I felt like he was pushing himself too hard.

The kids were good and weeded hard this morning. Thank heaven for a breezy overcast day. Then they came in, got cleaned up and helped me clean the house. They're good kids.

This kidney stone seems to be smaller than the last one. Mark was uncomfortable for days and was pumped full of extreme amounts of morphine and then Dilautid when that didn't work last May. We spent several hours in the ER last time. We were only there an hour and a half this time. We didn't need any tests, he knew exactly what was going on. We knew which medication to request that works for him. He really is doing better but has a raging headache once again from the Dilautid. We requested NO MORPHINE. He has some back pain today but it hasn't been as bad as last time.

Mason has been impressed that kidney stones are not fun. He has been drinking lots of water all summer and will randomly state things like "see mom, see how I'm drinking lots of water?! I do NOT want to get kidney stones." or "It would be even badder for kids to get kidney stones than dads. That's what I think. I will drink lots of water so I don't get kidney stones!!!"

He then proceeds to look very serious while guzzling great glasses of water. It's very cute and it's good to be hydrated so I just tell him "good job buddy!"

We're all glad we have 1pm church. We'll enjoy sleeping in tomorrow.

I wish you all a chocolate covered, sleep-filled, kidney stone free saturday night.

English Bio Essay final draft

My Somethings. My Nothings.

I could be doing something I enjoy.

Or doing nothing at all.

But I am doing one thing or another.

Is this a Something?

A Nothing?

Only I decide.

Or so they tell me.

Everybody has somethings that make them who they are.

some people hike, race, dance, bun-jee jump, or work at Taco Bell.

I play piano, sing, act, read, work,

frown, laugh and yell.

I hate tomatoes, spiders and

alone in the dark.

Love comes easy.

Forgiving is harder

I am 15

Sophomore in high-school.

Beginning to understand how much

hard work I must put into this

new chapter.

My favorite color is purple.

I love roller coasters, thunderstorms,

and the rain.

Don’t forget,

Anything sweet will do.

Being the oldest requires

a LOT of patience and responsibility.

At times I succeed. Other times

I fail

miserably.

I also tend to take responsibility for those things

I shouldn’t.

Money, bad situations,

Whether someone is

Sad,

Hurt,

Angry.

I remember summer days.

Barefoot, skinned knees

running, laughing, yelling with my

one, two, three, four

brothers and sisters.

Fighting the enemy, Digging up treasure

Run away before they catch you!

Remember! Swing set is safe!

Days full of nothing.

Nothing but innocence and

freedom.

Years later, I sometimes forget

On Nothing days,

they help me remember.

Dad helps me with the somethings.

Becoming a good leader.

Laughing, being happy,

controlling my anger,

knowing how to take a joke.

Especially if he makes the joke,

and he’s pushing it.

I chuckle.

He IS a loving dad.

Mommy is there for the nothings.

The nothing shopping trips,

that make us smile and laugh.

The pointless new drama.

The silly heartbreaks,

and the small dents in my friendships.

I make a loving smile.

She IS.

As I sit, listening to my sister singing, playing guitar I wonder.

I wonder.

Does she know?

Does she know she’s my something?

My hero?

Everything I aspire to be?

The Person I want to be like?

Down to the last curl on her head?

I wonder..

I could be doing something I enjoy.

Or doing nothing at all.

But I am doing one thing or another.

Is this a Something?

A Nothing?

Only I decide.

Or so they tell me.

With this in mind I ask,

“What makes me who I am?”

My attitude on life, and how I choose to act.

My Somethings. My Nothings.

~Carly Bocanegra

the SECOND day of school pictures (they'll have to do)

Really.

You'd be surprised at how little you're missing. They all dressed very much like they did on the first day of school. (okay... we all know who's trying to make who feel better about all this.)

Carly went Black "kinda skinny" jeans, beaded red tank over cream fitted "T" and black flats on the first day and continued her decidedly dressed up "I'm glad I'm a girl" look on day 2 with red flats, red earrings, black and white patterned smocked tank over white fitted "T" with black cardigan and cute jeans. Apparently her high school is FREEZING!

* you may be wondering what "kinda-skinny" jeans are. I just want to clarify. It's my terminology for jeans that are more fitted and a little stretchier than regular jeans. They are not skin tight. Some girls may consider her "kinda skinny's" a size or two too big but they are the skinniest jeans that will be allowed in this house.

She got a new haircut a week before school, courtesy of her new baysitting trade with Betsy . It's really cute and she loves it. A new backpack courtesy of Auntie Maury. She loves it. Thank you. She wouldn't have been caught dead with a pink backpack a couple of years ago but I reiterate, she is embracing the "I'm glad I'm a girl" perspective.

Goodbye Junior High.... Hello 10th grade, driver's training, cute boys.

(and a big Hello to a whole new set of anxieties for me!)

Our Rachel went casual both days with a green T and new jeans on day one and after being "hot all day" switched to cut-offs of last years jeans and a magenta T accented by purple flipflops and a great heart and lock necklace for day 2.

She's trying some new hairdo's. Last year she wasn't willing to try much but over the summer she's been experimenting with her "look". It's fun to see her branch out a little. I'm hoping she'll relax a little this year. 7th grade was quite stressful and found my little goddess of style, imagination & confidence lacking her usual vim and vigor.. I am hoping to see all 3 re-emerge.

Jacob is sporting pretty much the same look as day first. Only the colors are different. Long socks, Tennis shoes, shiny shorts (red) and Tshirt (blue). I though it interesting he wore his Geneva Elementary shirt on his first day at his new school. Was this a nod of nostalgia, a statement of "this is where I come from people!" or simply the T-shirt hanging first in the closet. We'll never know. He's a man of mystery.

As he left for his new school, Mason patted his shoulder and whispered "Be brave, Be strong, Be a Man!" He is brave and he is strong but he is just my boy and that's all he needs to be.

But he is ready for new friends, new ways to learn & new adventures.

5th grade here he comes!

There is something awfully funny about taking 2nd day of school pictures....

She can hardly contain herself.

Okay. That's better.

Samantha Grace wore a denim skirt yesterday and today, tennis shoes w/short white socks yesterday and today, pigtails yesterday and today, a Pink shirt yesterday and today. She must have wanted to ease my pain about missing pictures that first day. That's just how she rolls.

My little bundle of compassion and mirth is off to 3rd grade....

He wore last years jeans on day 1 and some NEW school pants today so we missed nothing important. And definitely; Cute as a button both days.

He was a little confused however. On day 1 he said "I'm going with Samantha early today but what time am I going tomorrow?" When I said he was going with Samantha early EVERY day, he seemed a little floored. I really thought I had explained it all very clearly. Apparerently the explanation was lacking some depth.

On Back To School night he was so excited to meet his teacher and see his new classroom. I worked in his teacher's class last year and she is wonderful. He zipped around his new class exclaiming "here's my desk!" "HEY! we have turtles!!!!" "Look at these books! and this chair" "This is so cool!!!" Then he noticed another boy checking out the classroom. He wasn't in his class last year but they probably saw each other at recess. They sized each other up and I don't know WHERE this came from but I looked over and they both had their hands on their hips, they were facing each other, chests thrown out, almost touching, and I hear my sweet little cuddly child say "you better watch out 'cuz I'm stronger and wilder than last year!"

speechless.

I was speechless.

His teacher and I exchanged a look and our hands flew up to our mouths to stifle giggles.

Watch out 1st grade. Here comes Mason!

Things; They are a changin'

The Bocanegra first day of school pictures 2009 do not exist.

This is shocking news. I know. I am shocked as well.

You might be asking yourself... "They do not exist? How is that possible?"

So, I will tell you. I have a job. 9am to 2pm at my kids elementary school. (More about my new job later.) I have never had to get ready to go to work on the first day of school before. I've also never had kids at 4 schools before. We're going in many directions these days. It's a little disconcerting.

Carly leaves first for her bus stop for High School. Riding the bus is new for us. High school is new for us. AHHHH!!!!

Rachel leaves next about 45 minutes later for Jr. high, until her yearbook class starts that is, then she'll only leave about 15 minutes after Carly.

Jacob's carpool comes about an hour later which is also the same time Mason, Samantha and I leave for our school.

Jacob tested for and was accepted into the A.L.L. program (Accelerated Learning Lab) this year so he attends a different elementary school about 15 minutes away. Thank goodness I found another mom to carpool with so I don't have to make the 30 min. round trip 2x a day. I pick up after school and she drives each morning. It's a blessing.

On that very hectic first day of school, when Carly left I was in my nightgown trying to make lunches. When Rachel left I was in the shower and she yelled "I'm going now~ I love you" through the door. I underestimated how much time it would take me to get everyone else and myself ready so we were RUNNING out of the house a titch late without a thought to first day of school pictures, or the fact that I also needed a lunch, trying to get Jacob to his new school as he wanted me to drive him on the first day.

That little request speaks volumes to the fact that, although he showed it nowhere else, Jacob was indeed a little nervous about switching schools.

As I watched my eldest son walk away from the van into his new adventure, his new school, his new challenge.... THAT's when I first thought "I shoulda brought my camera" with the requisite headsmack included. I followed the headsmacking with a sigh of regret that things are changing, that we are diverging, that we are growing up. My little family. It smarts a little. I liked being a young family. I liked holding them close. I liked when they looked to me for everything; all the answers, all the help, hugs & kisses, handholding, tear-wiping, understanding....

I'm still there for all of that. And they still ask but they are also looking elsewhere. Trying out what others have to offer. ouch.

But what's the alternative? No growth, no change, no finding their place in the world? I suppose I don't want that either. I know it must come but must it come yet? I don't feel ready. I don't really like it. I miss the babies, the nursing, the little hands, those questions I always knew the answers too. That was my heyday. That was my glory. I don't feel as confident in this new life. This new working woman status. This new taxi-cab mother who goes and comes more than she wants.

I love love love who they are all becoming but I ache for my babies. I miss them terribly.

*********************************************************

heyday |ˈhāˌdā|noun (usu. one's heyday)the period of a person's or thing's greatest success, popularity, or vigor : the paper has lost millions of readers since its heyday in 1964.ORIGIN late 16th cent.(denoting good spirits or passion):

Thesaurus

heydaynounduring his heyday, he was quite the matinee idol prime, peak, height, pinnacle,summit, apex,acme, zenith, climax, high point; day, time, bloom,flowering; prime of life, salad days, halcyon days,glory days.

ANOTHER, I repeat, ANOTHER Bocanegra Birthday

Over here at Casa De Bocanegra we like to pile those birthdays up right on top of each other. We like to gorge ourselves on cake.

It's how we roll.

Mark turned 41 today. That just seems weird. We're getting old. I didn't even try to pack 41 candles on his "cherry bars". I decided as over 40 seems to be considered by most as a new era in life, why not start over with one candle and go from there.

Birthdays sure change when you get older don't they? No trip to Nickelcade with Dad or out for ice cream with mom for this guy. He had to go to work so he could pay the mortgage. He even had time to stop by the dentist this morning between jobs to support me in the arduous task that is Mason + sedation dentistry. Anyone remember my last humbling experiences? You can read about them here and here. Oddly enough one of those visits was on August 19th 2008. Strange that I would be spending Mark's birthday in the dentist office 2 years in a row with Mason's cavities. We're doing better though. Last year he had 6 cavities. This year only one!

woo hoo! I am feeling victorious as a mother. Our experience this year was MUCH better. He took his medicine without too much trouble (The Verced this time). I had to bribe him with the promise of a package of fruit snacks and a graham cracker with leftover frosting.

20 minutes after imbibing the Verced, he got sleepy and wobbly but not belligerent like last time. He apologized to the dental assistant for spitting on her last time. We were laughing about it (Bless her! she can laugh about it) and he said "I spit on you???" She confirmed "yes you did" He said "I so sorry for spitting on you"

When she asked him what flavor "nose" he wanted, (That's what they call the little masks they put over their noses that hook up to the nitrous oxide) he lamented loudly "I wanted a bubblegum nose on the day I was born but they didnt' give it to me" She assured him she had one for him and hoped it would make up for lost time. He kept waving his hands around as if they were the most fascinating things on the planet and asked me a couple of times in his drunk slurring voice "Mom, Do you think this is a good idea?" I assured him it was. The Dr. came and did his thing. It was over quick and we were on our way home. He was leaning over so far out of his seat clawing at the door of the van claiming there was fire but he wasn't panicked, just informing me. I was worried about him getting out of his seat-belt but we made it home safely. He slept it off the next couple of hours and he was good as new. He didn't remember much (The verced's gift is amnesia so they don't remember the shot or anything bad about being at the dentist)

Tonight we went to dinner with some friends and neighbors of ours. We found out last week that Todd and Mark have the same birthday so we decided to celebrate together. It was fun. Lilly made cupcakes for both of them and Mark blew out 2 candles this time! :) Our big girls were sweet to babysit all our kids and their kids for us so we could celebrate.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Just a little taste...

Never Fail Fudge Frosting

FOUND IN:

Never Fail Fudge Frosting

1/2 C salted butter

1 C white sugar

1/3 C cream

1/2 C chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla extract

place butter, sugar, cream in md. size pan. bring to boil, stirring constantly. Turn down heat to md. and cook for 2 minutes.

add choc. chips, stir them in, remove pan from heat.

stir in vanilla.

pour frosting on cake and spread out quickly w/spatula. if you’re pouring it on a warm or cold cake, just grab the pan and tip it so the frosting covers the whole top.

if you want this frosting to cool in a big hurry so that you can cut the cake, just slip it in the fridge uncovered for 30 min or so.

Another Bocanegra Birthday

Jacob turned 10 on Saturday, August 15th.

I can believe it because he's been trying to catch up to his big sisters ever since he was born and often seems older than he is to me.

Like a fine piece of cheese, He just keeps getting better with age.

It's no secret he was a difficult toddler: punching his nursery leader in the face, giving everyone not in his immediate family the dirtiest one-eyed glare he could muster, telling Samantha he hated her~ repeatedly. He was a difficult first grader: kicking the principal while she tried to pull him out of the classroom closet where he was holed up, chucking water bottles out into the classroom & running out of his Aunt Abby's house while she was tending him and hiding under the neighbors car 2 houses down, refusing to go to his room when in trouble, running away from me at church stating he was going home whether I liked it or not.

I did not like it. Any of it.

At age 10 the difficult child is gone and has been replaced by a really, really great kid. He still has a temper that needs to be checked now and again but works hard at having self-control and is master of his temper more than it is master of him these days. He will always have a strong will that wants what it wants but he is learning empathy and patience and cooperation. He is also grateful and kind and helpful and really fun to be around.

I'm getting all teary as I write and that was unexpected. I suppose I still feel overwhelmed sometimes at how far we've come. While I have loved him immensely every step of the way and have always known the wonderful things about him it was so overshadowed at times with frustration and fear and anxiety and questions! Questions that kept me up at night and made me cry. Would I be able to help him? Would there always be this battle of wills? Am I handling this the right way? Will other people see the good in him? What am I doing wrong? Am I the right person for this job?

This year for his birthday we just planned a family day together. He had specific plans for his cake. A Dark Castle. Last week he made a diagram for me that had a legend at the bottom detailing what candies/cookies were to be used for the battlements and turrets, etc.

He chose our chocolate Crazy cake recipe. The frosting we usually use has to be put on while the cake is warm so I knew I'd have to find another way to go. There's no stacking warm crazy cakes. We found 3 graduated sizes of rectangle plans that were deemed acceptable and made 2 batches of crazy cake. The frosting was more like a thick glaze that you could pour and smooth. I found it in a culinary mystery book I was reading the week before that had the crazy cake recipe with 2 frosting recipes, the usual one that has to be put on a warm cake and and this new one called "Never Fail Fudge Frosting" that can be applied to a warm or cold cake.

We had mixed reviews on the end result. I think it was a little too dark chocolate tasting for some of the kids. Maybe we should have used milk chocolate chips instead of Semi-sweet. I liked it. It smelled divine. It was easy to use too, we coated the sugar cones with it for turrets so they would be the same color as the cake and it definitely made the process much faster than using a traditional frosting.

We had fun putting it together and I can't tell you how many times he came up to me during the course of his birthday and laid his head on my shoulder, put his arm around me and squeezed while saying "Thank you so much mom, everything is perfect!"

His dad took him to Nickelcade for some individual time and when he got back he had leftover nickels and asked if I'd take him to Macey's so he could buy an ice cream cone with his leftover nickels. Rachel came too and he bought them both ice cream while I did some shopping.

We blew out candles and opened presents and just had a nice day.

If any of you reading have a difficult child let me say this;

pray

love

pray

complement the good things you see, no matter how small it may seem. Look hard, find something. And if it's too hard to say out loud at first, write it on a sticky note and stick it their headboard so they'll see it when they go to bed or wake up. Even if you can say it out loud, sometimes the sticky note is good because they can see it over and over and remember what's great about them.

hope

love

pray

ask for help

look forward with faith

Pray

Love

you'll do fine......

summer one liners and big windy's

Sitting in the backyard swing with Rachel enjoying the uncharacteristically cool summer evening... and she says:

"If I were a monkey and I lived in utah... I would live in that (pointing at a tree in the next yard) tree! Doesn't it look like a good Monkey tree?!" *contemplative pause* "I'm sure the Kratzers wouldn't mind me eating the plums in their yard. And we really should plant a banana tree!!!"

Cousin Bethany while eating a popsicle:

"It just isn't summer if your tongue isn't purple!"

Mason: "Carson and I found 15 beetles each!!!!"

Mom: Is that a true story?

Mason: *looks away, tries not to smile* "well, Carson and I found and smashed 4 beetles each!!"

Mom: Is that a true story?

Mason:*looks away, tries not to smile* "Well, Carson and I were looking for beetles but all we saw was that 1 dead one that you saw."

Mom: Is that a true story?

Mason: YES! That is a true story!

(wrote down the quote but not the speaker...)

We had a very wet summer. It rained most of June.....

Unknown Bocanegra child: "I feel like a wet slug"

Unknown Bocanegra Child: *disgusted expression* "It's like singing in the rain"

Mom: "I thought you liked singing in the rain"

UBC: "not when I get wet"

A Midsummer's night fairy party

Back in June at Samantha's baptism luncheon, Grandma Donna gave Samantha a present; a fairy book. It had patterns for making your own fairies. It had ideas for a fairy party complete with cootie catcher pattern and party invites you could punch out. At at that luncheon Cousins, Bethany and Samantha, hatched a plan for a fairy party. When we were packing Samantha begged to be able to pack her fairy book because "she & Bethany had plans!" I didn't realize how fully developed they were until we got to Toquerville and heard that Bethany had been telling Grandma Carla all about this fairy party too.

There was nothing left to do but ask how we could help....

The day of the party we made cupcakes and The girls decorated them.

Bethany and Sammy found a wing pattern in the fairy book

They traced 8 pairs of wings onto construction paper

and cut them out

so each of the 8 cousins present would have their own fairy wings

Grandma C supplied stickers so each little fairy could decorate their own wings.

before pinning them to their shirts

They used the cootie catcher/fortune teller to choose their fairy/pixie names. I can't remember any of them now.

There was to be wanton fairy dancing at this soiree...

We found a CD of classical music. "Just perfect!" proclaimed the party planners.

Uncle Dedo delighted all when he joined in the fun

He was
THE most coveted partner

next to Mason

who also was never in want of a partner

falling down is apparently part of his charm.

Carly and Rachel getting jiggy with it

Free spirited Samantha doin' the "foogie"

(that's fairy for get down & boogie)

It's common knowledge however...

that brothers can only be expected to last soooo long at a fairy party
before their manly pride mutates them into demons

which Bethany states "Are a fairy's WORST nightmare!!!!!!"