Lately, it has been a huge problem with me feeling frustrated about the lack of self motivation on the kid's part and having to micromanage chore time every night. I recognize that probably means that I wasn't consistent enough and/or didn't have strong enough consequences to rectify that problem but I was so overwhelmed with school I didn't' have the energy to figure out a solution.
Saturdays were the worst. The room chores were supposed to be something the kids kind of checked up on during the week and kept looking reasonable but on Saturday morning, they were supposed to do a deep clean of the room.
Mason was the worst... Sometimes it would take him until 3 or 4 pm to finish cleaning his bedroom and do his room job.
Sometimes the kids would get into silly fights over who could use the broom and mop first and scream at each other because "you're walking on my wet floor!!!!" and "Well, I HAVE To because I NEED to get MY job done!!!!" It was a very I centered approach to chore time and it had good points and it had bad points.
I have been asking Mark for more help around the house lately. He has been very supportive about me going to school in many ways but I wasn't feeling it in the "helping around the house" way. He came through in a BIG WAY with a new system for chore time that I thought was CRAZY at first but now believe to be Inspired, Amazing, Beautiful, Wonderful and BRILLIANT!!!
I think one of the reasons Mark hasn't helped as much around the house is because I tend to want him to do things my way and not allow him to do things his way....
When he started this I wanted to object but I, thankfully, kept my mouth shut and let him try it out.
It all started last Sunday. It was stake conference so he came home from church when we did and wasn't gone all afternoon for meetings. The house was pretty messy because it had been stake conference the night before and Friday night had been the ward Christmas party and I had been at a study group for several hours on saturday afternoon and he had worked on saturday so things had been less supervised.... We dont' usually do a full-on clean the house on Sunday as it's the Sabbath and we try to honor that and keep it as God has asked us to but that day was just bad.
The kids wanted to come home and make a lunch after church and he said, "whoa... this house is a wreck! We are going to clean it up first before anyone eats and Mom is not going to do it... Go sit down mom." He told them he was going to choose a team leader and that person would be in charge of getting all the work done. The team leader could work as much or as little as they wanted and delegate as much as they wanted. The other kids would be their team and he would only be dealing with the team leader. He asked each kid if they wanted to be the leader. Samantha and Rachel said No and Mason and Jacob said Yes. Mark then said, "To be a good leader, you have to be a good follower so I will put Samantha in charge." That surprised them.
He took the team leader, Samantha, to the kitchen, family room, front room and told her what he wanted done. He asked the team leader how much time she thought it would take and then said, "Okay, set the timer, get your team and get it done".
When any kid complained to Mark or I, Mark directed them back to the team leader. They had to work it out. When the timer beeped, Mark checked back in and asked if they needed a time extension. They did. He told the team leader to choose the time wisely because it was the only extension they were going to get and when the time was up she would be responsible for any work left undone. The timer was set again and they finished it up.
After the timer beeped. Mark checked the rooms. There were a few things left and Samantha had to do them all by herself. After she was done, he gathered all the kids in the family room for an "Evaluation". Samantha, as team leader, was asked to rate her team members on a scale of 1-10 and give an explanation. Then Mark asked her if any of her team members needed a consequence for not helping the team and he allowed her to set the consequence as she had had to take his consequence of cleaning up everything that was not finished. Mason had been belligerent and unhelpful and so she had told him to just go to his room and she had to complete his part of the job. Mark warned her the consequence had to fit the crime and we agreed that he would not get our Sunday night dessert, ice cream and not get to open the present with his name on it from the 12 days of christmas his Auntie had sent our family. He had so been looking forward to his day so that was a big blow.
The kids said "this is just like 'The Next Great Baker' " which is a reality cooking show that they have been watching lately. On the show, sometimes they have to work as teams with one member acting as team leader. The team leader is generally judged a bit more harshly on the outcome if it is bad, because they were in charge.
The team members then were able to rate the team leader on what kind of leader they were and we discussed strengths and weaknesses and how we can be better leaders.
We have done this every night this week after dinner with dish jobs and a general clean up of the downstairs.
Saturday came and Mark and I talked about whether or not we wanted to do this for Saturday room jobs and I was very enthusiastic about trying it. I would be in charge since he was working and I hadn't led it before. It has been Mark's baby. He's so good at the evaluation part and not giving in to micromanaging like I do. I did pretty good and we pulled it off. I did make a few mistakes about getting involved when I should have referred the issue to the team leader but I am learning to!! The kids opinion was that they like it for weeknights but would rather not do it on Saturday chore time.
However, Mark and I are seeing some amazing things happening because of it and will keep it up. Here are the benefits we see:
1. Mason and Samantha, who sometimes have issues because they are the youngest and often feel powerless, get a chance to be in charge and boss everyone around. They are good leaders though and do a good job at being fair. I have been impressed.
2. The work is done faster on the weeknights. The kids felt like it took longer on Saturday and it did for some of them but took less time as a whole for me.
3. They are learning how to be good leaders and good followers which is an important life skill.
4. They are learning how to communicate better about how to get the job done. I heard Mason stop his team last night and say to them "How do you think it's going? What can we do better?" Rachel gave some constructive criticism and he took it without getting upset and adjusted how he was leading. THAT IS HUGE!!! NO fighting. It was beautiful.
This does not mean they have never fought. Sometimes one of them just has a bad attitude and makes it difficult but they are working through it and I see them working it out even when they have a difficult team member.
5. I dont' have to micromanage. I don't have to round kids up and say "the job is not finished". I don't have to just do it because it's easier then getting them to do it.
6. Mark is getting some big BIG husband points and Dad points on this one. He has made my life easier in a HUGE way.
