18 eighteen 18 eighteen 18 eighteen 18

When Birthday's roll around we have a tradition of decorating the front room on birthday eve after the birthday boy/girl has gone to bed. I started doing it alone but somehow it became a thing Carly and I did together.  She wanted to help and I gladly accepted as I was usually tired from wrapping, frosting, preparing, etc.

We put the cloth runner made from a dark green fabric with colorful birthday presents all over it on the table, choose and hang a "Happy Birthday" sign from my small collection of assorted colors and styles, hang streamers and blow up balloons and set the birthday cake on the table.  

Every once in a while, Carly is too tired or out on a date or something and I do it alone or grab another kid but usually it's her. However,  on her birthday, I enlist another child to help because.... HELLO... it's her birthday and she likes to be surprised too!
But.... 

this year she and I decorated for her birthday together.
Once again everyone else had gone to bed and she wanted to help...
It was fun and somehow poetic as her home all the time- time is winding down.
Crap.  I'm crying.  It's started now...
The random crying.
I didn't cry at graduation.
I didn't cry on her 18th birthday.
A couple weeks ago in church, sitting next to her, her head on my shoulder-
I cried.  I didnt' know where it came from.  The almost out loud sob that I had to squelch.  So obvious that she noticed something was wrong but not so obvious that the her dad, up on the stand, noticed anything was wrong.
I hate being surprised by grief.
If you know it's coming it's easier to handle.  When it surprises you, it's harder to put in it's place.

Back to birthday #18. 

 June 11.  

The day  I became a mother-

10 agonizing days past my due date in sweltering Palm Springs, California 120º weather-

but at 6:06 a.m. all pain and discomfort forgotten. 

Joy- in a tiny blue fist wrapped around my finger,

in a doctor's exclamation, "It's a girl!"

I'm obviously very nostalgic tonight... 

sorry. This is supposed to be a birthday post not a sappy, sad, she's leaving for college post.

okay!

Shaking it off, shaking it off...

I can do this.

 She decided she wanted a party but a pretty low-key, backyard, roasting hot dogs and S'mores and maybe some games, maybe just hanging around talking kind of party.  

She planned it, put an announcement out on facebook and was not at all stressed like she was on her 16th birthday when she was just sure that no one would show.  She knew the most important ones would be there-

She chose a cool stacked cupcake cake that required much scouring of candy bins at Winco and then much candy sorting by color which we started after everyone else went to bed the night before her big day.

We baked 2 funfetti cake mixes into cupcakes

carefully frosted them.  It took intense concentration as you can see..

Stacked and decorated them and made fake candles from pirouette cookies, orange frosting and banana runts.  It was fun and we liked the way it turned out.  We went to bed pleased with our night's work.

Then it was party time and the guests arrived....

One hairy-legged boy (as my dad likes to call all suitors of his girls ) In Duct tape flip flops!

Her favorite people arrived and celebrated with her.  She wasn't much help the actual day of the birthday.  She took off with friends when I thought she was going to help me set up but it turned out okay.  I powered through!  She has 2 guy friends with the same exact birthday as hers so they went together to 31 flavors and bought each other ice cream for their birthdays.  I thought that was pretty fun.  They both showed up at her party as well which I thought was pretty generous seeing as it was their birthday too and they let her be the star.

We got so many "oohhs" and "aaahs" & "that's the coolest cake ever" on her cupcake tower which made her very happy.

Hot dogs were roasted, cupcakes devoured,

lots of laughing, talking, water dumping and goofing around til very late.

It was a Summer night but also a Monday night and her dad had to work the next day so we said it needed to end at 10 and most left about then but there were some stragglers that I had to shush and remind... You can stay  if you're QUIET!  

She said it was the perfect party-

fun and low key

with (almost) all of  her favorite people

Earlier that day when she'd been at work... yes! she had to work on her birthday!

Her friends Drew and Laurie snuck into the parking lot and decorated her car.

which made her very very happy

She kept it like that for about a week, enjoying the attention of it all and then invited the 2 of them over for dinner and a carwash.  

She said it many times the day of and the days following...

Best.

Birthday.

Ever.