Looking for Summer Sanity: The Tattle Report

The Tattle Report

Tell me all about it.

Here.

Right here.

Only here.

There has been an EXPLOSION of tattling at my house this summer. It's making me crazy. I've never been one to put a kibosh on the tattling because hey... it's how I stay informed. It's been a useful tool for me. Let me tell you friends, it is useful no longer!

Within a 5 minute period I have had as many as 3 angry faces (some of those faces more than once) in my face yelling at me what so and so has done and how terrible they are and what they think I need to do about it RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has become a riot of emotion, especially for one child (who shall remain nameless) who already feels they are "not listened to" and things are never "fair". There is no way to explain to this child that less is more.

My wonderful, wonderful sister was here from California, with her 2 children, visiting me this week and was privileged to watch this tattletrain in motion. On her 2nd day here, she looked at me very seriously and said "I have an idea that might work for you". She is a 2nd grade teacher and uses this idea in her classroom. She hasn't had need of it yet at her home. Things are a little quieter with 2.... Not that she doesn't have her share of tattles and scuffles. It just has not ballooned to the epic tattle-tale monstrosity that is going on at my house.

She has a binder called "The Tattle Report". As a class they go through what it is and she does a sample for them. Tattlers must report their tattle in the tattle report following the assigned format or forgo the privilege of being listened to. She gets to it when she gets to it and that is that.

Friday afternoon I wrote up the following sample "Tattle Report" for my children and discussed it with them. They were full of "What if this???" and "What if that????" I declared the only exception was bloodshed. If you are bleeding you may tell me right now. Then I got "What if someone is holding me down and I can't get away?" and my uncaring response was "well if that were the case you wouldn't be able to tell me anyway! When you get away... Put it in the tattle report!"

Tattle Report:

Reporter: Mom

When: Monday July 7th 4:15 pm

Who: Mom and Kids

What: I am getting frustrated and can’t handle all the kids coming to me several times a day or several times an hour with a story of what someone has done and what I should do and how they should be punished. I think I am overreacting sometimes when I shouldn’t and I am not listening sometimes when I should.

Solution: I am instituting the “Tattle Report”. When you have a problem with someone else you need to write it in this book in this format:

Reporter:

When:

Who:

What:

Solution:

and I will deal with situations at lunch and dinnertime/bedtime depending on the day and what is going on. I love you all and think this will help us handle our disagreements fairly and less emotionally.

Remember! If you want me to listen.... WRITE IT DOWN!

I didn't really put it into action until Saturday when the cousins and Auntie Jennifer left for home. It was noon. It was saturday cleaning time. They were in charge of their bedrooms and their room job. Boy did the fighting start then (as it always does on cleaning day).

I was very consistent and would only smile and say "Put it in the tattle report" to which a couple of them marched off indignantly to write it all down. One came back another time after writing his first report and wanted to tell me something else that he deemed worthy of immediate attention. I ascertained there was no blood and smiled and said "Put it in the tattle report" and He growled and yelled and stomped his feet and yelled "I DON"T WANT TO PUT IT IN THE TATTLE REPORT!!!!!" and slammed his door. All of which I pointedly ignored.

At dinnertime we opened the book and dealt with each report coming up with an appropriate consequence for each problem. I wrote "Mom's solution" and what I was going to do about it at the bottom of each report as we dealt with it.

I have to say I am in LOVE with the tattle report. I was so much less emotional in dealing with their complaints. The kids were also much less emotional in dealing with the situations and we could discuss them without screaming and the fight accelerating. I listen and deal with each report whereas before I would deal with it as it came until I was losing my mind and then would declare (as I was screaming and pulling out my hair) "I don't want to hear it" which made one child in particular crazy as well - as they feel very strongly the need to be heard.

I think this is going to help them work out some of their problems better on their own. I think it's going to make them think twice about what they report as they have to do some work now to report it. I think a side benefit will be that they learn that they need to be specific and detailed in writing their explanation so I understand what they are saying.

I know I will need to be very consistent with this or it will not work.

I will let you know how it progresses as the summer progresses.

I have had 4 reports on Saturday and 5 reports today. So far. One child just came to me as I was typing and said in a highly emotional state "this needs to be dealt with now!!!! (repeated 5 times) I just smiled and said "Put it in the tattle report" and "it's almost dinnertime, better get it in now!" She is quietly writing. I am still typing and smiling.

Some interesting patterns....

8 of 9 reports are by one child.

6 of 9 reports are problems with One sibling in particular....

Interesting.

*Sigh*

Life is good with the tattle report.

Thanks Jennifer. You are a lifesaver. I love you. And not just for the tattle report. I had a great time and am so grateful you took the time, $ and energy to drive up here to visit little old me. :)

As for the rest of the visit:

We went to Discovery park. The 2 older boys and Carly and Rachel went to 7 peaks waterpark. They "camped" outside til midnight and then came in to go to bed. They got eaten by Mosquitos. They ran around and played. We went to lunch. We watched a movie. We had a great time!

We had to take them to our favorite ice cream joint....

Curtis and Jacob-

These guys were inseparable. Just a year apart in age. Always together. No fighting.

Partners in crime.

Jacob is usually the one feeling like he doesn't have a cousin to hang out with at family activities as the families we see most often are mostly girls and there are no boy cousins his age

These 3 played well together although Samantha sometimes felt like "I'm a big kid... I want to be with the big kids" and hanging with Mason and Alyssa made her feel "not big" but she didn't quite mesh with the 2 older boys.

This time it was her feeling a little displaced instead of Jacob.

Mason and Alyssa.

These 2 are the same age and played together so well. They didn't fight with each other either and had so much fun together. They did however get mad at their big brothers quite a few times.